So yesterday when I went to pick my sister up from high school a kid walked by me talking to his friend and told him “imma buy go and by these new Js (presumably Jordans), imma turn up”. Now those who aren familiar with street slang should know that the phrase “turn up” (turnt up = adjective) means to get drunk or high or both. It also means to go hard and let loose. I hope the kid meant the latter in the context of playing basketball. He was only thirteen-fourteenish but it made me think back to myself at his age and myself now. Back then sneakers, women, drugs, and alcohol were the last things on my mind. I seemed to be more fixated on getting the months Nintendo Power magazine before everyone in my class or whether or not my mother would finally get me a PS2 or a Game Cube or an Xbox or a Gameboy Advance or whether or not that girl in class with the apple bottom liked me just as much as I liked her.

Those were really simple times where your biggest problems in life were solely based on the pursuit of popularity and not based on how much money you had in your bank book or if you were ever going to get an interview with what ever company I sent my resume to. Kids have it lucky these days, they go to school where their textbooks are paid for by the state and their education is free, hell they even get a free lunch (if you go to public school that is). They go home, do their homework, play video games, visit their friends, chase girls, sleep and do it all over again. Their parents pay for really expensive phones I never had at their age (I didn’t get my first flip phone until I was sixteen). They really don’t have to worry about anything. I’m 25 and have been out of school for two years and have yet to score a full time job (I’ve only been able to amount to summer jobs and internships). Everyday has become a struggle to sit myself in front of the computer and look for work I may never get and sending my resume to that company that I know will never hire me but yet I’m obligated to give it a shot. Kids complain that their parents won’t get them those new sneakers all their friends waited hours in line for and suddenly that’s their biggest problem. Maybe when they’re like me and they’re $30,000 grand in debt from loans they’ll wish their biggest problem was the fact that their parents didn’t bother to waste money on sneakers.

So why rant about kids this time around you ask? I look at myself and realize that I’m not very far off from thirty. I realize that I’ve now become that asshole who gets annoyed with kids, the type of people who were a total buzzkill when I was younger and wondered why they live life with a stick up their ass. I have become that grownup, I have become the guy who has to decide between buying that video game or having money around to go out to eat should people ever ask me to hangout. Sneakers? I don’t even look at sneakers, I’ll walk around with the same beat up pair of shoes because it’s cheaper. Lineups, fades, haircuts? Screw that! looking like a bum is cheaper unless I have an job interview which I almost never get, then those 20$ bucks become worth it to freshen up though honestly they feel like a waste in the longrun cause look where I am? It cost too much money to look fresh because lets be real, who the hell am I really pleasing? it’s just a facade.

I write this to show just how much my priorities have changed with age. High school and college were all about the parties and the dances and trying to get lucky with women. Now I’m an old soul in a 25 year old body attempting to hopefully find a place in the world. I’m that guy who will be lucky if any woman will love a guy who has no job and still lives with his parents. We always had those dreams when we were younger of being grownups so that we could make any decision we wanted. None of us ever though back then that those decisions would consist of deciding whether to buy videogames or buy food? Continue throwing myself at that brick wall known as the game industry or change careers and find work somewhere else? Looking fresh and getting setback $20 that you will never get back or look like a bum and have an extra $20 bucks for when ever it’s needed? Taking a summer internship that might not lead to anything and run the risk of not being able to be a camp counselor or be a camp counselor but lose out on a much larger oppurtunity? I’m constantly presented with a slew of complicated decisions with very little time to make them.

What does this have to do with Autism you ask? Absolutely nothing, this has absolutely nothing to do with this blog’s intended purpose so why waste my time writing it you ask? It’s just a way for you readers to know me beyond that guy who talks about being Autistic all the time and most importantly to help you realize that at the end of the day I’m really not that much different from the rest of you. My wiring may be crazier than the rear of your entertainment center but at the end of the day am I the only person who worries about getting a job and finding their place in the world? Think about it…..