Hello strange world!

Welcome back to another exciting edition of the greatest fucking blog you will read in your many life times. Now here at the Epic Autistic, we (and by we, I mean I) like to take things to the next level. Needless to say, my life has taken things to the next level quite a bit in the last few months. Several blogs ago I teased a reference to me getting promoted at work. It can be found in this wonderful blog post about navigating IEPs but, you’re too lazy to read another blog just to understand this one then I’ll leave the lines here in the next paragraph.

“IEPs can also be the most discouraging things you will ever read as a parent and even as an individual with a disability. Your IEPs are often written by people who don’t always know your child as well as you do. My IEPs have painted many pictures of me but, they can’t predict the future. An IEP from 22 years ago couldn’t tell you that I would graduate from high school, that I would live on my own in college, that I would graduate from college with a 3.4 GPA, that I would get a drivers license and hold it for seven years, that I would be able to hold a job and manage my own bank accounts, that I would be in two relationships even though they went out in flames like Paul Walker’s car on a bad day (yeah I went there, too soon?), that I would get promoted at the job I’ve been at the last two years and get a nice raise (that’s a story for another day).”

And then this post credits scene,

“Anyways, that’s all folks. What you thought you were gonna get some post credits scene or paragraph? The fuck you think this is a Marvel movie? Go on, I’m sure you’ve got something to watch on TV. Oh, you mean I got your attention at promotion? Look guys, if I were to talk about that in this post then we’d have a book. Oh, you actually want a book? Sorry people but I don’t have the time tonight or ever. Okay maybe not ever but, it’ll be a while before you ever see a book from me. It will happen eventually and if my mother has her way, she’ll make me write it at gun point (I love you mom!). Stay classy peeps….”

Last June I got a promotion after two years of working at the organization I’m currently employed with. This is also the same organization I spent five summers at as a volunteer, a head counselor and, a program director for a currently defunct summer camp. Having by boss sit me down and offer me a promotion was a pretty surreal experience. I can’t say I ever thought I’d get this far in life given my circumstances, I did hope and pray though. I never wrote about it because I’m not one to write about things that aren’t fully ironed out. The other reason I never blogged about this promotion is because there was one other aspect of my life that I was trying to get ironed out, something that the job required.

A MOTHERFUCKING CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting a car was probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life, harder than saying good bye to yesterday (You non 90s kids won’t get that reference). The journey to purchasing this car actually started as far back as 2016. In 2015 my reckless spending had hit its peak. After getting dumped that summer I really didn’t think much about the future, I was just going with the motions. I had spent $400 on a rare retro gaming console and that’s when it hit me that maybe it was time to save money. It really hit me in the beginning of 2016 when my mother gave me a really long lecture on saving money. I showed her my current list of bills and she put my management to shame by showing me all the places I could save money as well as manage debt. After sitting in my room playing on the retro system I had dropped $400 on a few months prior, I realized how bad I let my spending get. I was throwing money left and right with no thought of tomorrow, only what I wanted in the moment. I decided that as much as I loved my retro game hunting hobby that had brought me much joy in dark times, I realized it was time to grow the fuck up and start thinking of tomorrow.

I started putting aside about $200 a month for the next few months. It was brutal at first but, it allowed me to develop patience and discipline I was severely lacking when it came to money. I grew up with a financially savvy mother and, a father who pissed his money away like it was nothing. They don’t lie when they say the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I did hit a few snags that slowed my saving but, I persisted. By the end of February I had saved up $3300 and was ready to look for some cars. I had been eyeing one car at a gas station for a few weeks and was ready to make my purchase. It was gone quicker than Christmas presents in Dr. Seuss stories. My mother had insisted that day that we travel further south to hunt for cars. I realized in that moment I had no other choice but to go along for a long ride I didn’t plan on that weekend. My original weekend plans consisted of dropping money on a car, putting it on the road and, leaving the dealer with it the following Monday

After driving around and, looking at some dealers, we stumbled upon a dealer near a junk yard my dad used to take us to when we were younger. We started walking around when my mother set eyes on a car she thought would be perfect. I was a wee little 2012 Nissan Versa that was screaming buy me. The car only had 36000 miles on it and was going for $6500, the dealer was willing to part ways with it for $6000. After test driving it I was digging but, there was one tiny problem. I never really had plans to take out a loan. My hope was to get a cheap car and get it over with. My mother urged me to get a newer car than the type of cars I was looking at hence this current car. I thought about it, prayed about it some more and decided to start the loan process. Thankfully my job provides loans through a partnership with a bank they work with.

Applying for a loan is one of the most tedious things you will ever do. It involves digging up much of your life history. With all of the information the bank was asking for, you might as well ask me for some of my blood… and a virgin sacrifice. Filling out those forms, digging up missing forms and, providing more details really put my executive function difficulties to light. I struggled greatly at times to stay on task and to do things a speedy manner. Thankfully I had my mother to help me out where it was needed. I was pretty ecstatic when the loan was finally approved but, that was just the beginning. It would be a very long week and a half before I got contacted by the bank to close the loan (aka the bank gets to try to sell you a bunch of shit you don’t need). When it was said and done, I signed all of those forms in blood and the $6000 was mine. It would be a couple days before I would bring the check to the dealer to make the purchase. Afterwards, I would have to get insurance and, put the car on the road. Getting those plates was pretty surreal but, it would be the longest 48 hours of my life before I got to put those plates on my car. That Friday came and it was the longest day of my life. I just wanted work to be done so that I could travel to take my baby home with me. The moment came when I was handed the keys to the candy store. I got in my fresh new ride, started her up and, christened the sound system by blasting Notorious BIGs “Ready to Die”.

I honestly didn’t think I’d be here. I didn’t think I would be working. I didn’t think I would be good enough to get promoted. I certainly didn’t think I would have it in me to purchase my own car. There are a lot of things I didn’t see myself doing several years ago. They all seemed like crazy ideas at the time, but now they are a reality. I don’t know if the doctors who diagnosed me, or the teachers who doubted me ever thought I would make it this far in life. Maybe they pictured me in some group home, or working in a super market… who knows. Sometimes I surprise myself, but I know I constantly surprise others. I don’t know where life is going to take me next, but I can only pray it gets better than this. Not that this isn’t good; This is great but, I know we can only go up from here. Apparently, people like to do this thing where they name their cars. I haven’t come up with a name for my car and I can’t say I plan to. I guess this is the part where I bid adieu- No, there aren’t any post credit scenes after this blog post, because there isn’t anything as life changing as this at the moment.

You’re seriously still here guys? I told y’all, there’s no post credits sequence. Haven’t y’all seen Logan? You’re not getting anything at the end. Leave the damn theater and let the nice cleaning people do their work. I’m sure they’re gonna have a grand old time cleaning all the popcorn your fat asses spilled on the ground. Those poor guys are probably stepping in the soda you knocked over.

Stay Classy y’all…..

*Grammar cleanup provided by his brother, who is tired of reading through his typos*