Small Talk, Big Problems #2 (Let’s Skip The Small Talk)

Hello world! I’m aware my blogs haven’t been as frequent as they used to be but, that’s what happens when you focus your energy into a book. It’s been an interesting few months that has consisted of wonderful adventures with and amazing girlfriend and, some really crappy situations as referenced by my last blog that I may not delve into for a very long time.Two years ago I wrote a blog post called “Small Talk, Big Problems” that really dived into some of the struggles I have with making small talk with people. I’ve always hated small talk because it seems so pointless and mundane. Small talk also requires one to put up this facade that can get tiring really fast. Small talk is an art that one must master if they want to survive in the worlds of networking and, dating. Some never make it past the meaningless small talk thus preventing the fostering of deeper connections. What if there were an event where you skip the small talk all together and, jump straight to the really important things on your mind; the things pent up inside you really want to vent about but, you can’t because you’ll have a total fucking stranger running for the hills with their tail between their legs? What if there was an event that would allow you to ask all the questions you ever wanted to ask someone but, you couldn’t because you thought that asking those questions in a regular conversation would be really over stepping your bounds? It appears that God answered those prayers in the best way possible.

One night I was driving a friend home after a night of playing board game. I barely made any conversation that entire car ride because I’m really not one to initiate conversation though I do enjoy it when initiated by the other. We discussed this during the car ride and, he suggested an even called “Skip The Small Talk” which is exactly what it implies. You come to an environment full of total strangers and you pair with the first stranger that doesn’t look as intimidating as the rest. It’s like walking into a den full of wolves and you’ve gotta find the one that is less likely to tear your face off even though they’re all capable of such. The first guy I paired with was a guy from the DC suburbs who was in a theater company up here. The first scenario involved us pretending we were asked “how are you?” and you would have to answer that question for three minutes. In each of the groups, one person was the talker while the other was the listener. The listener would have to listen for three minutes without any interjection. Afterwards, you go to the next round where the listener can now ask questions about anything you found interesting in the prior three minutes or, something completely different. Once that round is done you switch roles and the listener is now the talker. I found that at times I enjoyed listening way more because I’m not much of a talker to begin with. When it was my turn to talk, I instantly dived right into events from the last seven months that had been weighing on me for a while. It felt weird yet very freeing being able to vent to a total stranger about the shit I had been through instead of burying it every time I enter a conversation. After you were done talking, there was five minutes where you got to talk about anything with no structure for five minutes. Afterwards, you said your goodbyes and found a new partner. This part sucked because right when you were getting comfortable with someone, you had to part ways and find someone new; it was a gigantic metaphor for my life.

This went on at least two more times that evening until it was time to get into groups of six and, have one giant conversation devoid of small talk. It was super fun and was very revealing of the type of person I am. I hate small talk because it involves me hiding how I’m really feeling that day. I could be having a really awful day but, instead of being able to vent I have to pretend that everything is okay when it really isn’t; I’ve gotta put on a happy face when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. It felt so freeing being able to talk to the first stranger I saw about my father woes instead of pretending that life is peachy. Don’t get me wrong my life is fantastic but, it’s also far from peachy. The second person I chatted with started inquiring about my girlfriend and I was reminded how much I enjoyed talking about her to others. There are times when I want to bring her up with no prompting what so ever but, I don’t want to come off as being too extra. thus it’s great when someone is genuinely interested. I also don’t normally tell people I’m Autistic when I first meet them but, that went out the window two in one of my conversations. I also found that I do much better one to one than I do in larger groups.

Overall I had a ton of fun. I was instantly reminded why I hate small talk and, why I prefer just jumping into the nitty gritty. I remember thinking back to dating my now girlfriend and how things truly took off when we left the small talk stage and started talking about our personal lives. It was really awesome feeling a really strong connection to someone; it was a feeling I had long forgotten in a trail of many disappointments with others. Small talk is a good staring base but, sometimes it’s just better to dive right in. Once again, it’s been real.

Stay Classy…



What the fuck are you still doing here?! I had you at girlfriend again didn’t I? Gosh, ever since Marvel started doing post credits scenes in their films y’all expect some bonus teasers for the next exciting installment. Marvel has created an entitled base of people that always want a teaser for the next big thing. Don’t worry y’all, the blog on that really awesome lady will be coming but in the meantime, enjoy the nice fall weather; those leaves won’t bee pretty for much longer.

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