The Glass Prison Redux (Breaker of Chains…)

Hello strange world! Welcome back to one of the greatest pieces of literary art you will ever read on the internet. As I look back through the year, I realize that I’m not the same person I was about eight months ago. To say that this has been a long eight months is a pure fucking understatement. I don’t even know how to describe what has felt like an eternity yet, time continues to fly by like it’s nothing. It’s a complete mind fuck to feel like you’re trapped in the same day only to blink and have weeks go by just to feel trapped in another. Time is a form of art that is just pure fuckery of all the senses in the best and worse way possible. God is an interesting being that could easily give you the short cut through the treacherous mountain but, finds it way more interesting to take you down the scenic route. He could take the main road during a snow storm but, he’ll take the untreated back roads at full speed without all season tires and still get you to your destination in one piece. Yeah, my year has been a hell of a train ride that has tested me in ways that would make 2010-2012 jealous. Now I should note that I didn’t tackle with the suicidal idealization that has caused me problems in the past; I dealt with a brand new problem that hit me harder than it has in years, anxiety. Now I wouldn’t call this full blown clinical anxiety that has me hyperventilating in a corner or, on meds; I would call it several months of being perpetually anxious over a series of events happening in my life all at once. To get a better idea of this, we need to start back at the beginning. Continue reading

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Small Talk, Big Problems #2 (Let’s Skip The Small Talk)

Hello world! I’m aware my blogs haven’t been as frequent as they used to be but, that’s what happens when you focus your energy into a book. It’s been an interesting few months that has consisted of wonderful adventures with and amazing girlfriend and, some really crappy situations as referenced by my last blog that I may not delve into for a very long time.Two years ago I wrote a blog post called “Small Talk, Big Problems” that really dived into some of the struggles I have with making small talk with people. I’ve always hated small talk because it seems so pointless and mundane. Small talk also requires one to put up this facade that can get tiring really fast. Small talk is an art that one must master if they want to survive in the worlds of networking and, dating. Some never make it past the meaningless small talk thus preventing the fostering of deeper connections. What if there were an event where you skip the small talk all together and, jump straight to the really important things on your mind; the things pent up inside you really want to vent about but, you can’t because you’ll have a total fucking stranger running for the hills with their tail between their legs? What if there was an event that would allow you to ask all the questions you ever wanted to ask someone but, you couldn’t because you thought that asking those questions in a regular conversation would be really over stepping your bounds? It appears that God answered those prayers in the best way possible. Continue reading

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell….

Hello strange world. It’s funny that the strange guy is calling the world strange but then again, if you’re all strange and I’m normal? Anyways, before I break the universe some more it’s time to get this show on the road. No this blog post has nothing to do with the infamous campaign in the military to repress one’s sexuality to preserve hyper masculinity, this post pertains to something I’ve struggled with for years as someone with a disability. Now before we get started we need to discuss the two types of disabilities; Visible disabilities and, invisible disabilities. The two terms are relatively self explanatory. A visible disability is one where you can look at someone and it’s pretty obvious they have some sort of disability. They’re either in a wheelchair, have a deformity, it’s pretty obvious they have a visual impairment (presence of a cane or guide dog) or, they’re on the lower functioning end cognitively (I’m fully aware some people don’t like functioning labels but, there’s really a lack of a better phrase).  Then you have invisible disabilities. These are disabilities where you’d never know they exist just from looking at a person. These include any disorders that involve chronic fatigue like fibromyalgia, mild visual impairments that are still severe enough to render a person legally blind, seizure disorders or, people who are on the higher functioning end of any disability that results in cognitive impairments.  Continue reading

Let’s Get Dangerous (Between A Rock and The Broad Spectrum)

They always say you should end the year on a high note, I highly doubt this post will constitute as such so work with me alright? This year has been a pretty interesting one given the events of 2015 some good and, some just absolute shit. I had high hopes for 2016 and for the most part it delivered but, there just one thing that has lingered since the middle of last year. If you’ve been avidly reading my blogs then you’re probably going “Not this shit again!”. Yup, it’s definitely this shit again but, we’re going to go down an entirely different rabbit hole and discuss an aspect of dating I’m surprised I never went in full detail about (Definitely not sex! There’s already a blog post for that). It will also chronicle my dating experiences in the last several years and bring us to a sort of dilemma I’ve been having this last week. For those who are new to my blog, the story plays out like this; I’m a single, hopeless romantic that has struggled to find a lasting romantic relationship (Yeah a love sick Autistic guy, how shocking!). Two years ago I was certain I had found my forever woman but, she broke up with me eight months later. Even before that one, I met another woman several years ago I also thought was my forever woman; That relationship also went up in flames. In between the last relationship and now, I’ve gone on three dates, none of them successful. Now the one thing that I don’t often mention about my travels is, there’s a huge difference between the two relationships I was in and, the three women I went on dates on and, a fourth formerly eligible bachelorette that met with an end that has put a sour taste in my mouth. Cough syrup has nothing on how bachelorette number 4 values the time of others. The first two women I was in a relationship with were on the spectrum, the other three weren’t. Continue reading

Soundtrack 2 My Life

Music has always been a huge part of my life. From a young age I noticed music on the radio quickly and would constantly hum it. When I was 11 I started walking around with a walkman everywhere I went. When I was 14, I got my first portable CD player. When I turned 16, I got my first MP3 player and, it was at that point that the floodgates of my musical love busted wide open. I remember that MP3 player vividly, it was a Dell Digital Jukebox 15. It was a 15 GB MP3 player which by today’s standards is pretty small but, in 2004 it was a huge deal. Being able to carry a growing library of CDs around with me totally blew my mind. Unfortunately it broke a year later and it was the most depressing thing ever. I just remember being in a shitty mood for a very long time because I had no means of carrying my collection with me. The CD player was simply a small band aid on an open gash. I wouldn’t get another MP3 player again until the following year but, it paled in comparison to my beloved Dell Jukebox. I wouldn’t get another high capacity MP3 player until 2008 when I used the money I saved during a summer job to get an 80 GB iPod Classic. My music collection increased exponentially between then and the end of my senior year of college. Eventually my music collection would out grow that iPod and, I would have to buy an 160 GB iPod Classic. I’ve sadly out grown that iPod too and often have to rotate out music based on what I’m listening to. You’re probably wondering how one fills an 160 GB iPod Classic; Well, I listen to pretty much everything except for country and, I have full cataloges for all the artists I have on there. I also have a ton of video game soundtracks and, music from a lot of international artists. Those who see me on a regular basis will know I never leave my house without my headphones. I wear my headphones everywhere I go, even in places it’s not socially acceptable to like in church. Now you’re probably wondering what music has to do with tonight’s blog. Over the years, there have been a few songs that have spoken to me in a way that not many have. They’re also songs tied to very critical points in my life or, have helped me to convey pretty complex emotions. In no particular order, here are the songs/albums. Continue reading

Paper Trail

Hello world! It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Life has been pretty hectic but, those events are for another blog. Today I will be touching on something I realize I’ve never really talked about on here much to my surprise. Tonight were gonna talk about the dreaded three letter acronym, an acronym that strikes fear in parents of children with special needs yearly or however many times a year you have to deal with it. Parents who read this blog already know what rabbit hole we’re gonna jump in today or, you’re probably impatient and jumped to the second paragraph of this blog post. Gosh people, y’all gotta rush through shit and not take time to appreciate it. You’re the type of people who skimmed through books in English class and didn’t take time to take in the symbolism. Then again, I also skimmed through books and didn’t take the time to take in the symbolism which I’m pretty sure our English teachers made up because let’s be real, I don’t think that bowl full of fruit or those blue curtains were ever meant to serve any other purpose except to exist in the scenery. You have to wonder if English teachers did that shit intentionally to justify making homework assignments, quizzes and, essays for a book in the first place. Anyways, before I get carried away let’s just get on with it shall we? You have to wonder if these first paragraphs are as unwarranted as the small talk nurses make when they’re about to stick you with some needle or other sharp medical instrument. Like, we already know you’re gonna inflict some form of pain on me for the longest 2-3 seconds of my life so can we just get on with this shit already. Without further adieu, let’s just get on with this shit shall we? Continue reading

The Devil’s Advocate (Me Before The World)

(WARNING, THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE “ME BEFORE YOU”. IF YOU’D LIKE TO WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE READING THIS POST THEN DON’T READ ANY FURTHER, IF YOU’VE WATCHED THE MOVIE YOU COULDN’T CARE LESS THEN READ ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Continue reading