The Monster (A Tale From The Glass Prison….)

Monsters are peculiar creatures that take a myriad of different forms depending on the context. Some take the form of terrible hairy beasts, some take the form of really terrible people out to do others harm, and then there are those that take the form of our own thoughts; that voice in your head that decides to break you when you’ve begun to hit a stride. We spend so much time worrying about the first and second monsters that we seem to be completely blindsided by the third. I’ve yet to meet the first kind of monster, I have however met the other two monsters. I grew surrounded by the second type of Monster. These people came in the form of my school bullies, and sadly my own father. The third one wouldn’t manifest itself until I became and adult. The third kind of monster is a sinister being that we don’t even realize we’re dealing with until we wonder why our thought processes are so fucked. We’ve met this monster the day we realize we can’t take compliments. We’ve also met this monster the day you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see. We’ve also met this monster the day things are going really well and you’re all of a sudden bombarded by thoughts of all the things that could possibly go wrong. It’s not a physical monster, it’s one that lives inside of your head. It’s a product of your experiences both good and bad. Now I should note that this phenomenon is very different from schizophrenia; that’s not what we’re gonna talk about here. We’re gonna talk about that train of thought, and what happens when your anxieties and doubts become an accelerant for a fire that becomes notoriously difficult to put put once it gets started. Continue reading

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The Glass Prison Redux (Breaker of Chains…)

Hello strange world! Welcome back to one of the greatest pieces of literary art you will ever read on the internet. As I look back through the year, I realize that I’m not the same person I was about eight months ago. To say that this has been a long eight months is a pure fucking understatement. I don’t even know how to describe what has felt like an eternity yet, time continues to fly by like it’s nothing. It’s a complete mind fuck to feel like you’re trapped in the same day only to blink and have weeks go by just to feel trapped in another. Time is a form of art that is just pure fuckery of all the senses in the best and worse way possible. God is an interesting being that could easily give you the short cut through the treacherous mountain but, finds it way more interesting to take you down the scenic route. He could take the main road during a snow storm but, he’ll take the untreated back roads at full speed without all season tires and still get you to your destination in one piece. Yeah, my year has been a hell of a train ride that has tested me in ways that would make 2010-2012 jealous. Now I should note that I didn’t tackle with the suicidal idealization that has caused me problems in the past; I dealt with a brand new problem that hit me harder than it has in years, anxiety. Now I wouldn’t call this full blown clinical anxiety that has me hyperventilating in a corner or, on meds; I would call it several months of being perpetually anxious over a series of events happening in my life all at once. To get a better idea of this, we need to start back at the beginning. Continue reading

Dear Daddy, I Write You In Spite of Months of Silence

It’s been a long ass time now hasn’t it? Between writing a book, some family drama, a new relationship; life has been an absolute mess in both the best and, worse way possible. My mind has been so much of a mess that the Trump administration would be jealous. As a matter of fact, the Trump Administration wants to trade messes with me right now. The last six months of my life have been both really awesome and, really shitty at the same time but; that’s the sort of thing you’ve gotta deal with when you’re me. Six months ago I met this really awesome woman on Catholic Match who I am now ecstatic to call my girlfriend. Six months ago was also the beginning of drama that would result in me being estranged from my father. You’re probably wondering what the fuck daddy issues have to do with Autism. Quite a bit so buckle up your seat belts bitches; we’re gonna snort 20 lines of coke, take 3 acid tabs, a couple of shrooms and, jump into the really fucked up rabbit hole that is my brain. Continue reading

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell….

Hello strange world. It’s funny that the strange guy is calling the world strange but then again, if you’re all strange and I’m normal? Anyways, before I break the universe some more it’s time to get this show on the road. No this blog post has nothing to do with the infamous campaign in the military to repress one’s sexuality to preserve hyper masculinity, this post pertains to something I’ve struggled with for years as someone with a disability. Now before we get started we need to discuss the two types of disabilities; Visible disabilities and, invisible disabilities. The two terms are relatively self explanatory. A visible disability is one where you can look at someone and it’s pretty obvious they have some sort of disability. They’re either in a wheelchair, have a deformity, it’s pretty obvious they have a visual impairment (presence of a cane or guide dog) or, they’re on the lower functioning end cognitively (I’m fully aware some people don’t like functioning labels but, there’s really a lack of a better phrase).  Then you have invisible disabilities. These are disabilities where you’d never know they exist just from looking at a person. These include any disorders that involve chronic fatigue like fibromyalgia, mild visual impairments that are still severe enough to render a person legally blind, seizure disorders or, people who are on the higher functioning end of any disability that results in cognitive impairments.  Continue reading

Master of Disguise (Change Clothes And Go)

Welcome welcome welcome to another exciting edition of the best blog you will every read in this lifetime. It may also be the only blog you’ll need in your lifetime. This weekend I had the opportunity to enjoy another epic time at PAX East, one of this biggest gaming/nerd conventions on the eastern seaboard. I’ve been attending the convention since its youthful beginnings in 2010 as a small show. The show has only grown exponentially over the years. Starting in 2014, I begin Cosplaying (The practice of dressing up as a character from a movie, book, anime, or video game). Cosplaying was something I always wanted to do but, never had the courage to pull off due to lack of confidence. I’d see all these ambitious looking cosplays and would get super intimidated. In 2014 I decided I would come out of my comfort zone and attempt an outfit. It wasn’t anything overly ambitious, just something from one of my favorite game shows of all time (Legends of the Hidden Temple). It was such a thrilling experience for me because I was finally diving into something I loved. It was also liberating due to the bullying I experienced as a child.  Continue reading

The Bully Pulpit

[WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE & GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF ABUSE]

Hello world! Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday because, we’re about to kick some more ass. After yet another blog about a my shitty love life, it’s time to talk about some more serious matters. Are any of you guys familiar with the phrase “The Bully Pulpit” No? I thought so. For those who aren’t, A bully pulpit is a conspicuous position that provides an opportunity to speak out and be listened to. The term was coined by President Theodore Roosevelt, who referred to the White House as a “bully pulpit”, by which he meant a terrific platform from which to advocate an agenda. To put it in simpler terms; It’s a place both physically and, figuratively where you spout any message good or bad and, people will hear it loud and clear whether they want to or not. Those who often follow my blogs will know that I often touch the subject of bullying, a subject that unfortunately hits home for me. Growing up I got bullied quite a bit. The scars still linger from my many ordeals and, I sometimes struggle greatly with my self esteem. People with disabilities get bullied and, even abused at a disproportionate rate. Now I’ve never really touched the subject of abuse but, we need to talk about two stories that have made they news as of late and unfortunately for reasons that over shadow an even bigger problem in our society. Continue reading

Let’s Get Dangerous (Between A Rock and The Broad Spectrum)

They always say you should end the year on a high note, I highly doubt this post will constitute as such so work with me alright? This year has been a pretty interesting one given the events of 2015 some good and, some just absolute shit. I had high hopes for 2016 and for the most part it delivered but, there just one thing that has lingered since the middle of last year. If you’ve been avidly reading my blogs then you’re probably going “Not this shit again!”. Yup, it’s definitely this shit again but, we’re going to go down an entirely different rabbit hole and discuss an aspect of dating I’m surprised I never went in full detail about (Definitely not sex! There’s already a blog post for that). It will also chronicle my dating experiences in the last several years and bring us to a sort of dilemma I’ve been having this last week. For those who are new to my blog, the story plays out like this; I’m a single, hopeless romantic that has struggled to find a lasting romantic relationship (Yeah a love sick Autistic guy, how shocking!). Two years ago I was certain I had found my forever woman but, she broke up with me eight months later. Even before that one, I met another woman several years ago I also thought was my forever woman; That relationship also went up in flames. In between the last relationship and now, I’ve gone on three dates, none of them successful. Now the one thing that I don’t often mention about my travels is, there’s a huge difference between the two relationships I was in and, the three women I went on dates on and, a fourth formerly eligible bachelorette that met with an end that has put a sour taste in my mouth. Cough syrup has nothing on how bachelorette number 4 values the time of others. The first two women I was in a relationship with were on the spectrum, the other three weren’t. Continue reading