Happy Face (The Sunshine is Shinning)

Posted on August 1, 2018 by flem0328

Hello Strange World,

Welcome back to another exciting edition of- You know what? Fuck it. I can’t think of much an analogy at the moment. As a matter of fact, I can’t really think of much at the moment. My creativity, and inspiration are somewhat lacking at the moment. As you can tell by the last year of blogs, my life has been quite the shit show. There’s a lot of fucking good, but it has been quite the shit show. I really don’t have many words to describe the last year beyond what I have explained in several posts where I unload my daddy issues on the rest of the world. As a matter of fact, several of my blogs have referenced the same daddy issues. Honestly, I’m sick and tired of ranting about the same fucking thing over, and over again. Yet here I am, talking about dad issues again. Though this blog post won’t be simply about daddy issues, but rather my mood in general. Continue reading →

Beautiful

Posted on May 31, 2018 by flem0328

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ANY EMOTIONAL VALIDATION WITH THIS BLOG POST. I’M SIMPLY CONVEYING A STRUGGLE I’VE DEALT WITH FOR YEARS IN HOPES IT WILL HELP OTHERS! Continue reading →

The Monster (A Tale From The Glass Prison….)

Posted on March 23, 2018 by flem0328

Monsters are peculiar creatures that take a myriad of different forms depending on the context. Some take the form of terrible hairy beasts, some take the form of really terrible people out to do others harm, and then there are those that take the form of our own thoughts; that voice in your head that decides to break you when you’ve begun to hit a stride. We spend so much time worrying about the first and second monsters that we seem to be completely blindsided by the third. I’ve yet to meet the first kind of monster, I have however met the other two monsters. I grew surrounded by the second type of Monster. These people came in the form of my school bullies, and sadly my own father. The third one wouldn’t manifest itself until I became and adult. The third kind of monster is a sinister being that we don’t even realize we’re dealing with until we wonder why our thought processes are so fucked. We’ve met this monster the day we realize we can’t take compliments. We’ve also met this monster the day you look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see. We’ve also met this monster the day things are going really well and you’re all of a sudden bombarded by thoughts of all the things that could possibly go wrong. It’s not a physical monster, it’s one that lives inside of your head. It’s a product of your experiences both good and bad. Now I should note that this phenomenon is very different from schizophrenia; that’s not what we’re gonna talk about here. We’re gonna talk about that train of thought, and what happens when your anxieties and doubts become an accelerant for a fire that becomes notoriously difficult to put put once it gets started. Continue reading →

The Glass Prison Redux (Breaker of Chains…)

Posted on December 14, 2017 by flem0328

Hello strange world! Welcome back to one of the greatest pieces of literary art you will ever read on the internet. As I look back through the year, I realize that I’m not the same person I was about eight months ago. To say that this has been a long eight months is a pure fucking understatement. I don’t even know how to describe what has felt like an eternity yet, time continues to fly by like it’s nothing. It’s a complete mind fuck to feel like you’re trapped in the same day only to blink and have weeks go by just to feel trapped in another. Time is a form of art that is just pure fuckery of all the senses in the best and worse way possible. God is an interesting being that could easily give you the short cut through the treacherous mountain but, finds it way more interesting to take you down the scenic route. He could take the main road during a snow storm but, he’ll take the untreated back roads at full speed without all season tires and still get you to your destination in one piece. Yeah, my year has been a hell of a train ride that has tested me in ways that would make 2010-2012 jealous. Now I should note that I didn’t tackle with the suicidal idealization that has caused me problems in the past; I dealt with a brand new problem that hit me harder than it has in years, anxiety. Now I wouldn’t call this full blown clinical anxiety that has me hyperventilating in a corner or, on meds; I would call it several months of being perpetually anxious over a series of events happening in my life all at once. To get a better idea of this, we need to start back at the beginning. Continue reading →

Dear Daddy, I Write You In Spite of Months of Silence

Posted on October 11, 2017 by flem0328

It’s been a long ass time now hasn’t it? Between writing a book, some family drama, a new relationship; life has been an absolute mess in both the best and, worse way possible. My mind has been so much of a mess that the Trump administration would be jealous. As a matter of fact, the Trump Administration wants to trade messes with me right now. The last six months of my life have been both really awesome and, really shitty at the same time but; that’s the sort of thing you’ve gotta deal with when you’re me. Six months ago I met this really awesome woman on Catholic Match who I am now ecstatic to call my girlfriend. Six months ago was also the beginning of drama that would result in me being estranged from my father. You’re probably wondering what the fuck daddy issues have to do with Autism. Quite a bit so buckle up your seat belts bitches; we’re gonna snort 20 lines of coke, take 3 acid tabs, a couple of shrooms and, jump into the really fucked up rabbit hole that is my brain. Continue reading →

Soundtrack 2 My Life

Posted on December 10, 2016 by flem0328

Music has always been a huge part of my life. From a young age I noticed music on the radio quickly and would constantly hum it. When I was 11 I started walking around with a walkman everywhere I went. When I was 14, I got my first portable CD player. When I turned 16, I got my first MP3 player and, it was at that point that the floodgates of my musical love busted wide open. I remember that MP3 player vividly, it was a Dell Digital Jukebox 15. It was a 15 GB MP3 player which by today’s standards is pretty small but, in 2004 it was a huge deal. Being able to carry a growing library of CDs around with me totally blew my mind. Unfortunately it broke a year later and it was the most depressing thing ever. I just remember being in a shitty mood for a very long time because I had no means of carrying my collection with me. The CD player was simply a small band aid on an open gash. I wouldn’t get another MP3 player again until the following year but, it paled in comparison to my beloved Dell Jukebox. I wouldn’t get another high capacity MP3 player until 2008 when I used the money I saved during a summer job to get an 80 GB iPod Classic. My music collection increased exponentially between then and the end of my senior year of college. Eventually my music collection would out grow that iPod and, I would have to buy an 160 GB iPod Classic. I’ve sadly out grown that iPod too and often have to rotate out music based on what I’m listening to. You’re probably wondering how one fills an 160 GB iPod Classic; Well, I listen to pretty much everything except for country and, I have full cataloges for all the artists I have on there. I also have a ton of video game soundtracks and, music from a lot of international artists. Those who see me on a regular basis will know I never leave my house without my headphones. I wear my headphones everywhere I go, even in places it’s not socially acceptable to like in church. Now you’re probably wondering what music has to do with tonight’s blog. Over the years, there have been a few songs that have spoken to me in a way that not many have. They’re also songs tied to very critical points in my life or, have helped me to convey pretty complex emotions. In no particular order, here are the songs/albums. Continue reading →

The Color of Pain

Posted on November 28, 2016 by flem0328

Hello world! I’m alive and well and have not been kidnapped by Serbian mobsters if you’ve been wondering why you haven’t seen a blog from yours truly. There’s been a lot of crazy shit in the news in my absence, something about an election and some guy that everyone hates ruling the iron throne. Apparently he killed some woman name Hillary in one of the most shocking plot twists ever in a TV show. Hillary was winning every single battle and just when she has the upper hand, this guy name Trump just storms the back door and practically cuts her throat. That’s a hell of a TV show! Wait, you mean that happened in real life? Damn fam! That’s not what this blog is about though, we here at the Epic Autistic stay the fuck out of politics and will not be talking about this further. It will however continue to be a constant source of jokes, metaphors, puns, analogies and, all the wonderful literary devices that your English teacher rammed down your throat like your name was Linda Lovelace (Yes that is a porn reference, we’re all adults here). Now that I’m done with that little tirade, it’s time to talk about the other things in the news. You know, the stuff that actually has to do with this blog. Recently, Kanye West was admitted to the hospital for a slew of psychiatric problems. Love or hate Kanye, mental heath is something we ALL should be talking about. A month ago, Kid Cudi also checked himself into rehab for depression and suicidal thoughts. These guys have plenty in common, they celebrities, the famous artists, they’re rich as fuck and, they’re black. Continue reading →

The Devil’s Advocate (Me Before The World)

Posted on August 20, 2016 by flem0328

(WARNING, THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE “ME BEFORE YOU”. IF YOU’D LIKE TO WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE READING THIS POST THEN DON’T READ ANY FURTHER, IF YOU’VE WATCHED THE MOVIE YOU COULDN’T CARE LESS THEN READ ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Continue reading →

I Like Warm Hugs!

Posted on May 23, 2016 by flem0328

Hello weird world, it’s been some time but I’m back and I’m ready to drop some more of that uber awesome knowledge of mine. So this weekend I decided to do something a little, interesting. I decided to attend this event called “Hugging Therapy” and to those whose minds have already leap frogged into the gutter, not that kind of hugging. This event was designed to create a strictly platonic environment where those who were hurting or wished to form some sort of connection could do that in a safe space. Now you’re probably wondering what could be bothering me so much that I would desire hugs from total strangers (I l knew three of the people from outside of this session), we’ll get to that. Needless to say, I learnt way more about myself that day than I have in an entire year and maybe my entire life. Continue reading →

Game On

Posted on March 14, 2016 by flem0328

Long time no see strange world! Miss me? I thought so. Well I’m back so without further adieu, I’m about to blow your mind so hard J.F.K. would be jealous (too soon?). Now those who know me and those who have read my blogs know how important gaming is to me. I have covered gaming in a number of blogs (Those Awkward Times When Game Consoles Understood Me Better Than People Ever Would, The Graphics Aren’t As Great In Real Life, Neither Are the People, and Somewhere I Belong). When I was younger some would call me obsessed, I thought about video games, talked about them, and day dreamed about them. I hated school and nothing was better than getting home and firing up my Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo, or PlayStation and getting lost in a world that wasn’t my own. Now y’all are probably wondering what was so great about the world within the game. It wasn’t so much the world within the game that was enticing but rather what it helped me get away from. Before we get into that, we have to do a Quentin Tarantino and do a time jump to the present for a bit. Continue reading →