Music has always been a huge part of my life. From a young age I noticed music on the radio quickly and would constantly hum it. When I was 11 I started walking around with a walkman everywhere I went. When I was 14, I got my first portable CD player. When I turned 16, I got my first MP3 player and, it was at that point that the floodgates of my musical love busted wide open. I remember that MP3 player vividly, it was a Dell Digital Jukebox 15. It was a 15 GB MP3 player which by today’s standards is pretty small but, in 2004 it was a huge deal. Being able to carry a growing library of CDs around with me totally blew my mind. Unfortunately it broke a year later and it was the most depressing thing ever. I just remember being in a shitty mood for a very long time because I had no means of carrying my collection with me. The CD player was simply a small band aid on an open gash. I wouldn’t get another MP3 player again until the following year but, it paled in comparison to my beloved Dell Jukebox. I wouldn’t get another high capacity MP3 player until 2008 when I used the money I saved during a summer job to get an 80 GB iPod Classic. My music collection increased exponentially between then and the end of my senior year of college. Eventually my music collection would out grow that iPod and, I would have to buy an 160 GB iPod Classic. I’ve sadly out grown that iPod too and often have to rotate out music based on what I’m listening to. You’re probably wondering how one fills an 160 GB iPod Classic; Well, I listen to pretty much everything except for country and, I have full cataloges for all the artists I have on there. I also have a ton of video game soundtracks and, music from a lot of international artists. Those who see me on a regular basis will know I never leave my house without my headphones. I wear my headphones everywhere I go, even in places it’s not socially acceptable to like in church. Now you’re probably wondering what music has to do with tonight’s blog. Over the years, there have been a few songs that have spoken to me in a way that not many have. They’re also songs tied to very critical points in my life or, have helped me to convey pretty complex emotions. In no particular order, here are the songs/albums. Continue reading
Tag Archives: worthlessness
The Color of Pain
Hello world! I’m alive and well and have not been kidnapped by Serbian mobsters if you’ve been wondering why you haven’t seen a blog from yours truly. There’s been a lot of crazy shit in the news in my absence, something about an election and some guy that everyone hates ruling the iron throne. Apparently he killed some woman name Hillary in one of the most shocking plot twists ever in a TV show. Hillary was winning every single battle and just when she has the upper hand, this guy name Trump just storms the back door and practically cuts her throat. That’s a hell of a TV show! Wait, you mean that happened in real life? Damn fam! That’s not what this blog is about though, we here at the Epic Autistic stay the fuck out of politics and will not be talking about this further. It will however continue to be a constant source of jokes, metaphors, puns, analogies and, all the wonderful literary devices that your English teacher rammed down your throat like your name was Linda Lovelace (Yes that is a porn reference, we’re all adults here). Now that I’m done with that little tirade, it’s time to talk about the other things in the news. You know, the stuff that actually has to do with this blog. Recently, Kanye West was admitted to the hospital for a slew of psychiatric problems. Love or hate Kanye, mental heath is something we ALL should be talking about. A month ago, Kid Cudi also checked himself into rehab for depression and suicidal thoughts. These guys have plenty in common, they celebrities, the famous artists, they’re rich as fuck and, they’re black. Continue reading
Paper Trail
Hello world! It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. Life has been pretty hectic but, those events are for another blog. Today I will be touching on something I realize I’ve never really talked about on here much to my surprise. Tonight were gonna talk about the dreaded three letter acronym, an acronym that strikes fear in parents of children with special needs yearly or however many times a year you have to deal with it. Parents who read this blog already know what rabbit hole we’re gonna jump in today or, you’re probably impatient and jumped to the second paragraph of this blog post. Gosh people, y’all gotta rush through shit and not take time to appreciate it. You’re the type of people who skimmed through books in English class and didn’t take time to take in the symbolism. Then again, I also skimmed through books and didn’t take the time to take in the symbolism which I’m pretty sure our English teachers made up because let’s be real, I don’t think that bowl full of fruit or those blue curtains were ever meant to serve any other purpose except to exist in the scenery. You have to wonder if English teachers did that shit intentionally to justify making homework assignments, quizzes and, essays for a book in the first place. Anyways, before I get carried away let’s just get on with it shall we? You have to wonder if these first paragraphs are as unwarranted as the small talk nurses make when they’re about to stick you with some needle or other sharp medical instrument. Like, we already know you’re gonna inflict some form of pain on me for the longest 2-3 seconds of my life so can we just get on with this shit already. Without further adieu, let’s just get on with this shit shall we? Continue reading
The Devil’s Advocate (Me Before The World)
(WARNING, THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE “ME BEFORE YOU”. IF YOU’D LIKE TO WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE READING THIS POST THEN DON’T READ ANY FURTHER, IF YOU’VE WATCHED THE MOVIE YOU COULDN’T CARE LESS THEN READ ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Continue reading
Finding Independence (Success Begins With Two Words, I’ll Try…)
So two weeks ago I had the chance to watch Finding Dory and, once again Pixar has delivered another masterpiece and most importantly, something blog worthy. So without spoiling anything, Finding Dory center’s around Nemo’s friend Dory who is very scatter brained and is notorious for short term memory issues. The movie takes a look back at her childhood and how she got separated from her family in the first place. A series of events causes Dory to remember her family thus begins yet another journey that makes for an epic Pixar film. Their adventure brings them to an aquarium that specializes in rehabilitating injured aquatic animals. Now, where the film truly succeeds is how it tackles living with a disability. A lot of this movie’s important characters including Dory all have some sort of disability that has an adverse affect on how they live their lives. From a visually impaired whale shark named Destiny to a Dolphin named Bailey who is unable to use his echo location abilities, a cognitively impaired loon named Becky and of course Dory, this film stresses not only how people live and function in this world with disabilities but, it also explores the topic of ableism which can be a huge problem for those of us with disabilities. Continue reading
Two Can Be As Bad As One (It’s The Loneliest Number Since The Number One)
It’s funny how a simple yet very deep and complex lyric from a classic Three Dog Night song can spark inspiration at 2 in the morning. As a matter of fact, it’s funny how ANYTHING can spark inspiration at 2 in the morning. The whole accord is sheer fucking irony if you ask me but, I’m up at 2 am after going to bed at a decent time so let’s get this show on the road shall we? Every now and then I’ll have these random bouts of insomnia that often come out of nowhere but are usually the result of being very anxious and restless. So what’s eating at me this time you ask? It’s the same thing that’s been eating me for almost an entire year and I honestly, I can’t believe I’m about to write another blog about it too. I probably sound like a broken record with all of these blogs about dating and what not but recently it’s all just reached a peak, it also doesn’t help that next week will mark one year of my heart getting ripped in many pieces. Me panicking at 2 am seems very well within the realm of possible scenarios that can happen to me along with some chick on an online dating site trying to hustle me out of $200, someone trying to rope me into a pyramid scheme or, some pseudo Christian cult that’s really a pyramid scheme with a dash of religion trying to recruit me but, those are all stories for another day. Continue reading
I Like Warm Hugs!
Hello weird world, it’s been some time but I’m back and I’m ready to drop some more of that uber awesome knowledge of mine. So this weekend I decided to do something a little, interesting. I decided to attend this event called “Hugging Therapy” and to those whose minds have already leap frogged into the gutter, not that kind of hugging. This event was designed to create a strictly platonic environment where those who were hurting or wished to form some sort of connection could do that in a safe space. Now you’re probably wondering what could be bothering me so much that I would desire hugs from total strangers (I l knew three of the people from outside of this session), we’ll get to that. Needless to say, I learnt way more about myself that day than I have in an entire year and maybe my entire life. Continue reading
Everyone’s Feeling Blue
Blue Buildings, blue shirts, blue merchandise, everything’s so damn blue it looks like an episode of the Smurfs. Now why on earth could everyone be wearing blue? Are you wearing blue because you just happen to love the color blue or, are you wearing it because Autism Speaks told you it would support a cause predicated on spreading the wrong kind of awareness about Autism? If your answer is the former then good for you, everyone is entitled to what ever color they choose. If your answer is the latter, have a seat! I’ll grab you the best seat ever because I’m gonna give you a piece of my mind like I blew my own brains out and lived long enough to hand you the fragments. Now you’re probably wondering why an Autistic person such as myself has a strong dislike for a organization that is constantly spreading awareness about Autism. My issue with the organization is that the kind of awareness they spread is detrimental to the world view and perception of Autism. Continue reading
There Is No One Alive Who Is Youer Than You (Shameless Plugs)
There are honestly way too many words to describe the last few months. To sum it all up, the last few months have been a bigger mess than your living room after Christmas presents have been unwrapped. The last six months have been such a mess that your toddler’s high chair would be jealous. Your child’s bedroom ain’t got nothing on how much of a mess the last couple of months have been. Move over NFC East (football division), what if I told you there was a dating life that was a bigger mess than you guys? And the saga continues like horror movies that can’t decide if they’ve released their last film or if they plan on dropping another shitty sequel. My romance life has decided on shitty sequels because it can’t seem to decide on an epic finisher like a Mortal Kombat player deciding if they want Liu Kang to finish you with a Bicycle Kick or if they want him to transform into a dragon and bite the top half of your body off. Continue reading
Smile Empty Soul (Depression Through The Looking Glass)
It you haven’t seen the recent Pixar movie “Inside Out”, y’all need to watch that ASAP!!!!! That movie will change your life in ways you couldn’t imagine. Now the movie follows a girl through her life and a major transition that will rattle her emotions. Her core emotions (anger, fear, joy, sadness, and disgust) are presented in a personified form and you get to witness how each of these emotions work to manage through a tough time in the main character’s life. The basic premise of the film is that you have a girl who has grown accustom to her life in Minnesota. One day you find out that her father has gotten a new job in San Francisco and they movie across the country which sends her emotions and her entire nervous system which is represented by a control center into complete chaos. Each emotion handles each new situation in their own unique fashion with the emotion Joy trying to keep everything together. Certain events in the film cause the emotions Joy and Sadness to get separated from the rest of the crew and the rest are left to manage the best they can. Continue reading