I Got Broads In Atlanta Episode II: The Southern Hospitality Strikes Back

A few years ago around this time, I took my first ever trip to Atlanta, Georgia. It was a blast, and a great way to immerse myself in southern culture. I loved the city so much that I vowed to return one day for round two. God is good because I got that chance in the form of an invite to a baby shower. Needless to say, it was an epic adventure that can only be told in Epic Autistic Fashion. For the post that preceeds this one, read “The Mile High Club (No, It Ain’t About Sex On A Plane)”. For the original, read “I Got Broads In Atlanta (Southern Hospitality)”.

1. Is there really any point in having these an ashtray in a plane anymore?

2. Just in case you forgot you were in the damn south….

3. I sadly didn’t to try this out because it was closed during both my arrival, and my departure.

4. You know shit’s real when the nigga Ludacris is welcoming you to Atlanta where the players play, and we ride on them thangs like every day.

5. I wish Boston’s Subway system would take notes from Atlanta. This sort of thing is quite the nuisance. Seriously, no one wants to hear your shitty Trap Music.

6. Apparently the CNN Headquarters are in Atlanta which is surprising. I never thought I’d find the headquarters of one of the most left leaning news agencies in the conservative south. It’s like the mega fortress for conservatives, the last level, the final dungeon, it’s the place that all them sidequests prepare you for.

7. It took every fiber of my being as a Pats fan not to yell “28-3”, or “THE FALCONS BLEW A 25 POINT LEAD”.

8. I’m kind of mad I forgot to by a “28-3” shirt so that I could rub salt in the wound while walking around Hotlanta.

9. I said “Go Pats” at a baby shower in Georgia while introducing myself, and lived to tell the tale.

10. The South is once again home to some stellar food.

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11. In the North, you judge how good the food will be based on how clean an establishment is. The cleaner the establishment, the better the food will be. In the South, it’s pretty ass backwards. The trashier an establishment looks, the better it will taste.

12. If you walk into a Waffle House, and it looks like it will fail the next health inspection, you best believe the food will be bomb.

13. If a Barbecue place ain’t located in an are where you have a high probability of getting shot, stabbed, robbed, carjacked, etc, then don’t even bother; You don’t want anything to do with that gentrified Barbecue.

14. It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen guns in a Walmart.

15. So, just in case you forgot you were in the damn south…. 

16. Can we PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE decide on a shower design, and stick to it. It gets really annoying when I gotta learn how to use a new shower type every time I leave home.

17. Behind this vault is the ORIGINAL formula for Coco Cola. As EnVogue would say, “♪MAN YOU NEVER GONNA GET IT (NOT THIS TIME!)♪”.

18. There is a section of the museum where you get to taste Coke products from all over the world. Don’t even bother with Europe, unless of course you lack taste buds

19. The Cicadas are still thirsty as ever. You can hear the sweet sounds of “GIMMIE SEX”, “AYE YO GURL, LEMME SLIDE IN YO DMs, and “I JUST WANNA PUT IT IN ONCE HOMEGIRL”.

20. Being in the South has reminded me how much I miss seeing a Waffle House, and Chick Fil A on every block.

21. Seriously Chick Fil A, please build more restaurants in Boston. The late Mayor Mumbles  DOES NOT speak for all of us.

22. I promised myself I would eat at Zaxby’s, and Steak n’ Shake the next time a came to the South. Sadly that did not happen. Next time.

23. Once again, I did NOT bring in broads back from Atlanta. That is called human trafficking, and we at The Epic Autistic do not condone that.

Once again, it was pretty dope adventure with a group of friends that are irreplaceable.

Stay Classy…


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