In honor of National Suicide Prevention Day I will be writing a blog post that needs to be written. Now in my earlier posts I have touched upon my issues with depression and my battles with suicidal thoughts. Tonight’s blog post however won’t be all about me, It’ll be all about you and those who need it the most. Now in those moments when I contemplated ending my life it was usually after feeling a sense of hopelessness but there was another component to this twisted puzzle that I never truly delved into until I really started examining myself.
A lot of my pain amounted to a feeling of worthlessness. Being bullied left a rather nasty battle scar that will always be there no matter where I go in my life. To be bullied and singled out was the worse feeling I could ever experience. Why me? What’s wrong with me? What did I do to deserve this? The questions constantly haunted me as I was either getting jumped, getting things thrown at me in class, or getting mocked because of how I spoke. Realizing I was the odd one out I felt empty and useless. “What good was I to anyone?” was a question I asked as I contemplated ending my life. I felt in that moment that there was no point to living if my only purpose was to be the world’s punching bag.
Now luckily I had people back then that loved me more than I loved myself in those moments. It is in those darkest moments that people feel that they aren’t loved and that they bear no meaning to anyone. I’m here to tell you that this just isn’t true. No matter how far in the shitter your life is, no matter how many people suck, there are those who believe you’re the best thing that has happened to their lives and while those people maybe few, their love carries more weight than the world or your so called 500+ facebook friends. Cling to those people as hard as you humanly possibly can and never ever ever let those people go. Everyone has a purpose in this life, it maybe small in scale to the rest of the world but to the lives you’re meant to impact, your existence will mean the world.
To the people who have doubted you or have attempted to make you feel like less of a person, to hell with them! No matter how horrible these people try to make you feel, always remember that you are far better off than these people will ever be and to the people who think it’s cool or funny to make people feel like utter crap, you all really need some help. What you do is down right pathetic and really isn’t worth the cheap thrills at the expense of someone else’s emotions or well being and that an attempt to simply ruin someone’s day can ultimately ruin the rest of their life. You are all so much better than this and you owe it to yourselves and the people you hurt to get some serious help.
To end I say this, you are loved! No matter how bad things get and no matter how worthless you feel, there will always people who love you more than you can no. You just have to dig deep in your heart and find out who. Most importantly love yourself, no matter how much people hate you, you need to constantly remind yourself that you’re awesome and that you’re meant to do big things. I hope this blog prove to be helpful for anyone who needs it the most and with this I say goodnight, stay classy, you are forever loved.