Somewhere I Belong

We live in a world where we’re constantly trying to fit in somewhere. Whether it’s in school or at your job or even in your families, we’re always molding ourselves to the expectations of others, usually at the cost of our personalities and the things we truly love. Fitting in for anyone can be tricky, fitting in for anyone on the spectrum can be a an entirely different bag of worms. Those who know me and those who have followed my blogs will know that fitting in hasn’t been the easiest thing for me. Growing up I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Through much of my childhood I filled that void with video games and cartoons, the only escape I had from what was a very confusing and chaotic childhood (Read the blog “Those Awkward Times When Game Consoles Understood Me Better Than People Ever Would….” for details on the subject). The love for video games followed me through my youth and eventually my adulthood. Over the years I grew to be very nerdy and geeky and that truly set me apart from people, mostly in the worse way possible. It’s not very easy for me to make friends with any joe schmo. Realizing that a lot of people, women especially don’t dig the whole nerd thing I usually have to turn that part of me off when I meet brand new people I don’t know all that well in order to avoid weirding them out or giving them the wrong idea. Continue reading

The Little Machine That Could (Autism, Robots, and Artificial Intelligence)

Okay show of hands, who has watched “The Terminator Trilogy”, ‘The Matrix Trilogy”, I-Robot”, “The 13th Floor”, and “Tron”? If you have then you may have an idea of where this post is going but of course with me, you never know where ANY post is going until it gets there. Anyways, for those who haven’t seen these movies then you don’t necessarily need to know the plots, you need only to know the central theme that drives these plots. It is them concept of artificial intelligence and how a machine taught solely to follow instructions and routines can become self aware and eventually make their own decisions, their decisions usually cataclysmic. Each movie focuses on the protagonist(s) attempting to stop a rogue artificial intelligence from enslaving the entire human race. These movies shed light on a concept computer programmers had been toying with long before Hollywood existed. Now you’re probably wondering once again what this madness has to do with Autism, allow me to elaborate in a way that will blow your mind harder than snorting 15 lines of cocaine (Disclaimer: I don’t do drugs, they’re simply twisted analogies). Before we can get into the meat of this blog post, I have to tell a little tale that will tie into this blog post. Continue reading

That Thing Where I Get Too Focused On A Task

Imagine that you’re watching a really good movie or maybe you’re engrossed in a really good novel. Maybe all your attention is on your significant other or maybe you’re engaged in a task the requires all of your attention like fixing something or assembling it. Maybe you’re at work and you would hope that should anyone decide to call you between the hours of 9-5 that it’s going to be something worth putting aside a task for. You’re so far into whatever zone or moment you’re in that any distraction such as a phone call or someone who completely disregards the fact that you’re completely occupied is enough for you to get extremely frustrated because either the said distraction has now taken you out of the zone of mental focus you so desperately required to complete your task efficiently or instead of progressing the said movie or book or even video game you’ve been putting so much energy into you’re now completely thrown out of what ever zone of immersion that made the experience enjoyable. Maybe it was a phone call, maybe someone came storming into whatever room you were in and become enough of a distraction to completely kill what ever moment you were in and in those moments a part of you knows damn well that if what ever someone blatantly killed your focus for isn’t urgent, important, relevant, or time sensitive enough to warrant taking you out of your zone, you’re all of a sudden a hair a away from giving them the dirtiest look you’ve ever given anyone in years and maybe even getting annoyed if this be comes too much of a common re-occurrence. Amplify this focus feeling of annoyance when the said focus is broken and you have my complex and sometimes whacked out mind. Continue reading

The Graphics Aren’t As Great In Real Life, Neither Are the People (An Autistic’s Guide to Online Gaming)

Now people who know me in real life know me as an avid gamer. Now those who have read my earlier blog “Those Awkward Times When Game Consoles Understood Me Better Than People Ever Would….” have learnt about my experiences with video games and how they’ve shaped my childhood and my growth. Today I shall expand on that a little more and go in depth about my experiences with one particular genre of video games that over time has grown from a cult genre limited by access to high speed internet to a genre that has exploded in popularity and has become a staple for all games today. Massively Multiplayer Online games or MMOs have become a staple for gaming and exist in many forms from shooters to racers to fighters and RPGs. To night I shall focus on RPGs or Role Playing Games. Continue reading

A Letter to My Younger Self #2

I’m going to continue the “A Letter to My Younger Self” series that I started over the summer. This time I will write a letter to my 18 year old self. A person who decided he was going to follow dreams that have unfortunately left me in serious financial trouble. I won’t exactly shatter this poor kid’s dream, I just need to warn him that there are better ways he could go about the decision he will make down the road.

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A Thing Called Love…

Walking around or hanging round in my usual spots I spend most of my time in my head either processing my thoughts or intently focused on what ever I’m doing at that current moment. Not many things can take me out of my head in those moments except for interactions with others and one other thing. Whether it be church, my usual tuesday night bar, working at camp or any place where I have a lot of interactions with people. I’m minding my own business and then all of a sudden it happens, you find that really good looking girl that not only catches your attention but her personality is more than worth giving her a chance and suddenly you mutter the same lines you normally would when this type of thing happens, “Well shit, here we go again”.

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Well I Guess this is Growing Up…

So yesterday when I went to pick my sister up from high school a kid walked by me talking to his friend and told him “imma buy go and by these new Js (presumably Jordans), imma turn up”. Now those who aren familiar with street slang should know that the phrase “turn up” (turnt up = adjective) means to get drunk or high or both. It also means to go hard and let loose. I hope the kid meant the latter in the context of playing basketball. He was only thirteen-fourteenish but it made me think back to myself at his age and myself now. Back then sneakers, women, drugs, and alcohol were the last things on my mind. I seemed to be more fixated on getting the months Nintendo Power magazine before everyone in my class or whether or not my mother would finally get me a PS2 or a Game Cube or an Xbox or a Gameboy Advance or whether or not that girl in class with the apple bottom liked me just as much as I liked her.

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THE ANTIDOTE IS A TRAP KIDS, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right now some of you are probably confused as to what I may be alluding to for this next legendary entry and others probably already know what I’m going to be ranting about. To get the concept across however, I will have to educate you on a scenario from one of my favorite video games of all time that will hopefully serve as the perfect analogy for tonight’s rant.

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Not Your Kind of People

For the longest time I’ve tried to find a song that describes my life in a nutshell. I’ve found a few that have come close but none of them really hit the nail on the head until now. I was listening through the albums of Garbage, a band from my favorite year of music (90s baby!!!!!!!!!) when I stumbled upon a song from their most recent album that felt as if it were written for me and all the other outcasts of society. As I listened through the song I suddenly felt a strong connection with the lyrics, especially during the second verse. In a nutshell the song is about being different from the rest of society and how different is always better. Now I’m not going to break down the entire song word for word but I will choose some sections of the song and explain the significance of the said section in my life.

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Those Awkward Times When Game Consoles Understood Me Better Than People Ever Would….

The title of this blog post sounds exactly how you might be comprehending it. You’re probably wondering how someone could have such a profound attachment to an object. It isn’t necessarily the object that we attach ourselves to but rather the memories and good times associated with the said objects. For some it’s a teddy bear, for others maybe a blanket. What ever the objects you cling to it for the nostalgia and remember the happy times. Now you’re probably wondering what all this nostalgia crap possibly has to do with the seemingly long and somewhat confusing blog title. The answer to your question lies in my childhood, dark and confusing times that felt at times like they’d never end.

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