Now before I go on with this blog post I need to put up a rather big disclaimer. I do not think Spock is on the spectrum and nor will this blog post be used to try to prove that. Also, please forgive me for any inaccuracies in my part of trying to describe Spock and the Star Trek universe, I rarely watched the series and these observations are based more on the recent movies. I do however believe there are some uncanny similarities between his logic driven through process and the thought process of someone on the spectrum. Now die hard Star Trek fans who understand some of the challenges of a person with Autism will instantly know what comparisons I’m going to make but to those who don’t understand, allow me to elaborate. In Star Trek, the character of Spock is half human and half Vulcan. Spock however develops based on his Vulcan heritage. His race suppresses all emotion in favor of logic. Logic drives their thoughts and their actions and how they approach situations. Spock is no different in this regard and his logic based approach to various challenges drive certain plot lines in the series as well as his interactions and relationships with the rest of the cast. Continue reading
So one day I’m at an arcade playing DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) and as usual, a crowd forms around me because it isn’t everyday that they see people who could move so fast with such precision. When the song is said and done with, everyone applauds and is totally floored by my performance. Everyone is in awe and people think it’s the greatest thing they’ve seen. Everyone watching believes it was incredibly stellar, everyone except me. You see, every seems to be in awe that I managed to hit about 490/500+ steps in one song. I on the other hand am in awe that I missed those ten arrows and should have been able to hit them. While everyone is in awe about what they just saw, I’m sitting there analyzing EVERYTHING I did wrong. There is no longer “I did the best I could”, there is only “that totally sucked, I can do so much better, that was pathetic”. In those moments I realized that I ‘m perfectionist and that I seem t never take what I can get. Continue reading
Imagine that you’re watching a really good movie or maybe you’re engrossed in a really good novel. Maybe all your attention is on your significant other or maybe you’re engaged in a task the requires all of your attention like fixing something or assembling it. Maybe you’re at work and you would hope that should anyone decide to call you between the hours of 9-5 that it’s going to be something worth putting aside a task for. You’re so far into whatever zone or moment you’re in that any distraction such as a phone call or someone who completely disregards the fact that you’re completely occupied is enough for you to get extremely frustrated because either the said distraction has now taken you out of the zone of mental focus you so desperately required to complete your task efficiently or instead of progressing the said movie or book or even video game you’ve been putting so much energy into you’re now completely thrown out of what ever zone of immersion that made the experience enjoyable. Maybe it was a phone call, maybe someone came storming into whatever room you were in and become enough of a distraction to completely kill what ever moment you were in and in those moments a part of you knows damn well that if what ever someone blatantly killed your focus for isn’t urgent, important, relevant, or time sensitive enough to warrant taking you out of your zone, you’re all of a sudden a hair a away from giving them the dirtiest look you’ve ever given anyone in years and maybe even getting annoyed if this be comes too much of a common re-occurrence. Amplify this focus feeling of annoyance when the said focus is broken and you have my complex and sometimes whacked out mind. Continue reading
You ever work with someone on the Autism spectrum only to find out they they seem to obsess over that one thing, that one thing that they just can’t go without talking about that is of far more importance to them than it is to you, that one thing that after hearing about for a while you’ll want to blow your brains out yet you’ll hear us talk about it long after you’ve blown your brains out?
Now people who know me in real life know me as an avid gamer. Now those who have read my earlier blog “Those Awkward Times When Game Consoles Understood Me Better Than People Ever Would….” have learnt about my experiences with video games and how they’ve shaped my childhood and my growth. Today I shall expand on that a little more and go in depth about my experiences with one particular genre of video games that over time has grown from a cult genre limited by access to high speed internet to a genre that has exploded in popularity and has become a staple for all games today. Massively Multiplayer Online games or MMOs have become a staple for gaming and exist in many forms from shooters to racers to fighters and RPGs. To night I shall focus on RPGs or Role Playing Games. Continue reading
In a few of my posts I have compared the wiring in my head to the back of an entertainment center. I wanted to show you guys a picture that drives that point home. I present to you exhibit A, the rear of my entertainment center/home theater.
I’m in a writing mood but I honestly really don’t know what to write about. Weird huh? What can I possibly talk about that I haven’t talked about already? I guess this is what they call writers block. As the chambers of my mind begin to shift around I feel like taking a trip down that ever so elusive rabbit hole. The rabbit hole of my mind that leads to the brightest and darkest of places. A towering abyss of emotion, fear, and terror. We will now take a journey through the worm hole. Are you nervous, you better be cause shit may get a little crazy but what do I define as crazy if the world already considers me to be a bit crazy? Is my definition of crazy some bizarre place that will give you terrifying nightmares or is my definition of crazy the complete opposite? Maybe your definition of normal is my definition of crazy, I don’t know but this is the kind of mind fuckery that make me messing with your head a lot funnier. But how can a guy with Autism have a sense of humor? Does he even know what humor is? Does he even know how to what a joke is or sarcasm for that matter?
“You and those damn headphones” my buddy from college would yell as I walked around during a job fair with them hanging around my neck. I’ll admit now just how out of place they looked with a button up shirt and a tie but honestly I never really though much about leaving them at the dorm. Actually, I seldom leave without them.
Ever look at someone on the Autism Spectrum and as yourself what goes on inside of their head? What they’re thinking about and most importantly if they acknowledge you? Tonight I shall take you on a trip inside of my head and then you’ll understand the title of this post and most importantly, why you can’t handle my brain.