Holding Onto Anger is like Drinking Poison and Expecting the Other Person to Die

Posted on December 13, 2013 by flem0328

A wise person once said that “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. What would happen if despite some of your best efforts there are times where you can’t help but continue to take sips of that poison because long after the fact you’ve been hurt, the memory can sometimes drive you mad, it stares you in your face like a nasty scar. The wound maybe closed but the memories will always remain. You continue to sip that poison because some days the memory hurts so badly that you feel as if the crime justifies the hate. Continue reading →

That Place Where Everyone Is Just As Broken As You

Posted on December 5, 2013 by flem0328

WARNING: SOME STRONG LANGUAGE! READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Ugh, it’s that time again, that time that comes every one to three months where I have to take the walk of shame but to where you ask? It’s sometimes the last place you’d like to be, especially when it because the reason you’re there in the first place involves a rather sensitive issue that I’ve covered in a few blogs. As you take that walk you try to recount where you’ve been emotionally the last few months and if you happen to encounter any “triggers” in your travels through the minefield known as life. It is in those moments this you remember that once again it’s time to see your psychiatrist.
Continue reading →

Me, Awesome? You’re Not Lying Are You?

Posted on November 6, 2013 by flem0328

So imagine going a huge chunk of your life with people doubting you everywhere you go. Imagine getting things thrown at you on a daily basis because people thought you were weird and there for it was funny to get cheap thrills off of making fun of the special kid. Imagine people constantly calling you a retard or SPED monkey or people waiting for you to talk in class so that they could mock your voice. Imagine people forcing themselves to be nice to you because you’re so strange to them that they have to try incredibly hard to find redeeming qualities that clearly don’t exist to them, they try so hard that they no longer come off as genuine, as a matter of fact they seem so fake that it makes Santa and the tooth fairy or bigfoot or the end of the rainbow become the realest things ever. Imagine dealing with so many fake people that when the genuine ones come along, even they feel fake. You constantly put up a wall when people get too close because you fear getting hurt. As genuine as those trying to get close are, you fear that it may be all another facade. The scariest thing of them all is when people tell you that they like you or that you’re awesome or that you’re a great friend. Continue reading →

Life Seems to Have this Sick Way of Not Allowing Room for Error

Posted on October 25, 2013 by flem0328

Okay show of hands, Who watches Parenthood and most importantly who watched this week’s episode? For those who do watch the show and for those who did watch Thursday’s episode then you probably already have an idea what this blog is going to be about but for those who don’t watch the show here’s a bit of a synopsis. Parenthood follows four siblings and their individual families each with their own unique dynamics and predicaments. Now one of those families has a teenager named Max who has Aspergers and though this isn’t the central focus of the entire show, Max does contribute heavily to a decent amount of the central plot lines in the series. Max is somewhat of a texbook Aspie (routine dependent, oblivious to social cues, has trouble coping with drastic change, hyperfocused in a particular subject for him being reptiles, very literal in how he conveys and receives information, and has no filter). Continue reading →

Ask Me Why I Talk Like That Again, I Dare You! I Double Dare You _______________________

Posted on September 30, 2013 by flem0328

If you’re an avid Pulp Fiction watcher or know people who avidly watch the movie and religiously quote it the same way those people who have convinced themselves they’re some self righteous pariahs quote the Bible then you can easily finish this sentence and if you can’t finish this sentence then I implore of you to watch Pulp Fiction. This blog post however isn’t about Pulp Fiction or how great Quentin Tarantino is as a writer. This is about another cross in my life I’ve been given to carry with pride as much as I don’t want to at times. People who know me personally already know where this blog is going .

Continue reading →

Forever Loved ~For Those Who Need It the Most~

Posted on September 10, 2013 by flem0328

In honor of National Suicide Prevention Day I will be writing a blog post that needs to be written. Now in my earlier posts I have touched upon my issues with depression and my battles with suicidal thoughts. Tonight’s blog post however won’t be all about me, It’ll be all about you and those who need it the most. Now in those moments when I contemplated ending my life it was usually after feeling a sense of hopelessness but there was another component to this twisted puzzle that I never truly delved into until I really started examining myself.

Continue reading →

A Letter to My Younger Self #1

Posted on September 4, 2013 by flem0328

Hello world, welcome to another exciting entry from the epicness that is my blog. Today I will attempt something that another fellow blogger recommended to me over lunch. By the way before I continue you can find her blog in the link below.

Perfectly Imperfecta

Now I had a tricky time trying to figure out which me I would write myself a letter to. I’ve been through many tricky situations in my life and there were several phases of my life where a letter from my future self was needed but there was one particular moment in my life where I think I needed it the most. As a referenced in an earlier blog post, the summer of 2010 was probably one of the darkest times of my life and the first time in my life I ever contemplated suicide. I shall start this series off by writing to my 22 year old self.

Continue reading →

What is Normal?

Posted on August 7, 2013 by flem0328

Two nights ago I ended my most recent blog entry with a paragraph asking a simple question that yields a great deal of complexity when you really peel away at the layers. Today I want to dive a bit deeper into the concept of “normal”. What is normal? What do we consider to be normal? Normal as defined by the dictionary is “conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural”. It also means serving to establish a standard. If normal is what ever society decides it should be then by society’s norms I’m the furthest thing from normal but then so are a lot of people.

Continue reading →

You’re Autistic? But You’re So Smart!!!

Posted on August 6, 2013 by flem0328

You’d be rather surprised as to the type of responses I get when I tell people I have Autism. They will range anywhere from “but you’re so smart” or “but you seem so normal” to stuff like “prove it”. People over the years have grown to know Autism by two common traits, people who drool, flap their arms or spaz when there are loud noises. The second common trait people look for is what we call the savant which is basically the super intelligent person much like the one in Rain Man who could count cards, do complicated math in his head and register the sound of 200 toothpicks falling to the ground.

Continue reading →

It is Purpose that Created Us, Purpose that Drives Us

Posted on August 4, 2013 by flem0328

We’re all put here by what ever force you want to believe in to do something. If anyone told you that you’re one in billions, that your life against the life of others doesn’t hold some sort of merit then someone lied. For some of us we know from day one what our purpose in this world is but for the rest of us, it can take some serious soul searching and years before we realize what we’re meant to do and some unfortunately leave this moral coil before even realizing what their purpose is.

Continue reading →