Small Talk, Big Problems

There’s this gorgeous looking lady at the gym I go to, like gorgeous. I’ve yet to see her smile but she looks like she has a million dollar smile. Did I mention she’s got glasses? I’m a sucker for women with glasses. In a perfect world I should be able to walk up to her and start flirting and yet I’m paralyzed with fear. I don’t even know where to start or how to get her attention in a way that I don’t seem like some random guy going to strike conversation with her when she’s trying to workout. There’s also this other gorgeous lady that takes the same bus and train I do. I can’t muster up the courage to talk to her either. In my life time the two women I’ve dated had made the first move so I’m not very good at initiating anything. I’m about as bad at initiating things as a someone too distracted by a movie to feel up their significant other when their practically putting up the Bat Symbol (For those wondering about the ever so lovely girl I dedicated a blog to a few months back, that shit is over like a game of Mario when the Nintendo breaks. I really don’t want to get into the details but the I’ve got a story of my tragic love life larger than all of the Game of Thrones books combined and it just got enough pages to make a replica of the tree that all of that paper came from). I sit awake some nights wondering why I suck so much with women and it all goes back to one of the biggest struggles someone on the spectrum can have. Continue reading

2nd Round’s On Me

Another year, another dollar. Gosh is this blog really two years old? It feels like yesterday when I decided to start spilling my feelings and opinions on all things Autism on the internet. It’s been a pretty crazy year of blogging and antics. From dragging Autism Speak’s name through the mud to dragging the names of really shitty parents of children on the spectrum through the mud to voicing my opinion on all things Autism, this year has been a thriller. I’m thankful to have so many loyal readers, a decent amount of which live across the pond. I never thought this blog would get all of the positive buzz that’s been getting over these years and for that I am truly thankful. It’s people like you that give me the energy to continue writing. Get ready, because this coming year will be huge as far as this blog goes. Now I had a long synopsis of these two years planned for this post but I just couldn’t come up with anything so I will leave you with a picture since those things are apparently worth a 1000 words.

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Stay classy folks

Self Serve

Okay, there’s been a hot button topic within the Autism community that I have yet to discuss but lately has gotten pretty heated on some forums so I feel I need to offer some of my insight on the issue. Within the community there seems to be a stigma around “self diagnosis” which is exactly what it implies, it’s someone diagnosing themselves as being on the spectrum without any medical proof or evaluation from a psychologist. Now you may remember back in the fall of last year when Jerry Seinfeld stated in an interview that he may be Autistic. Within moments of that interview there was a shitstorm of backlash from parents of children on the spectrum who saw this as simply a publicity stunt. To them it was nothing more than a celebrity attempting to capitalize on a struggle that affects many families. Their worse fear was that their struggle would be overshadowed by a celebrity who doesn’t look like they should ever be the face of Autism. Now while I feel for the families with children on the spectrum and those on the spectrum who feel that people are hopping on the bandwagon because they think it’s cool or hip, there’s something you need to understand about the world’s perception of Autism. Continue reading

The Middle Way

Age 2:

“Flemmings isn’t talking at all, kids normally talk at this age but Flemmings doesn’t say anything”

Age 14:

“Flemmings you talk too much, no one need to know what goes on in our house. Why did you have to tell my co-worker all of that stuff?” Continue reading

Love Actually (It’s Still a Better Love Story Than Twilight)

If anyone ever tells you that falling love is this magical feeling where the planets align and you’re in this blissful mood where everything is awesome or that falling in love is like a Disney movie where all the animals start singing and everything is colorful and shit then they lied man, they lied. They lied so hard their nose is longer than a giraffes neck. Their nose is so long it swings in pendulum fashion like Ron Jeremy’s manhood (please don’t look that thing up, you’ll go blind). Falling in love isn’t as simple or fun or colorful as people make it out to be. Falling in love can be the most overwhelming and uncomfortable feeling one ever experiences. While many call this phenomenon love, I personally like to call it “Oh Goddamnit! Not this shit again! Anything but this!”. The bible claims that love doesn’t hurt but that’s honestly the biggest lie I’ve heard since Aaron Hernandez’s claim of innocence (too soon?). Love is awkward, uncomfortable, overwhelming, exciting, and beautiful all at the same damn time. Continue reading

A Few Reasons to Hug an Autistic Today

No, this isn’t some awful coding glitch or an illusion. Unlike all the April Fools pranks you will see on Facebook today, this blog post is real. It’s been quite some time since I last wrote anything on here. To be frank, I’ve been extremely lazy and honestly didn’t feel like writing anything. Well I’m back and once again it’s time to kick some ass one word at a time. While people know this day to be April Fools day, it is also the beginning of Autism Awareness Month, the month where Autism Speaks shoves their “Light It Blue” campaign and misguided agenda down your throat faster than breathing tubes in operating rooms. The amount of sometimes harmful propaganda pertaining to Autism can be overwhelming and for those diving into an ocean they know nothing about, it can be the equivalent of climbing Everest without a map. Continue reading

Sucker Punch (The Zigger Zagger to End All Zigger Zaggers)

Have you seen the movie Sucker Punch? No? Well what the hell are you waiting for? You’re missing out on one of the most mind blowing movies of 2011. Unfortunately this blog post isn’t about the really awesome psychological thriller that involves a bunch of steampunk, giant robots, and really hot girls with swords and enough artillery to arm a country for a life time. This blog post has to do with the blow life deals to you when you least expect it. That blow to the face and even the crotch when when you least expect it, the blow that hits you so hard you’ll spend a long time figuring out where it came from when the answer is standing dead in your face like a reflection in the mirror or a zit on your face. Continue reading

Autism Isn’t An Epidemic, Negativity Is

Normally, I’m a calm person that tries not to let many things get to me. Everything I read is usually with a grain of salt, that is until a parent/advocate for parents on the spectrum decides to write the type of garbage that involves the reinforcement of debunked myths and even goes as far as comparing Autism to public health emergency no less deadly and devastating than Ebola but we’ll get to that one shortly. Last night I read the type of article that makes every single one of my braincells want to take a loaded gun to their heads. Now before I can go any further, y’all have some assigned reading to to? I already know what you’re asking, “Assigned reading? The hell is this high school?” No but in order for you to feel and understand the rage in these next few paragraphs implore all of you to kill some braincells with the smut I’m about to post at the bottom of this paragraph. Don’t worry though, I’ll once again be waiting right here as awkwardly as Dora The Explorer while she awaits your answer.

WARNING!!! BRAINCELL KILLING SMUT AHEAD!!!!! Continue reading

Back In My Day, Gates Only Involved Water, Nipples, and Spying

Remember the days when a “gate” involved an office complex? What about that “gate” that involved my home football team (The New England Patriots) spying on other teams during games? Oh, remember that “gate that involved Janet Jackson’s nipples (greatest seconds in television history if you’re a guy or a girl that interested in that sort of thing, I won’t judge, this blog is as safe zone as it gets). Anyways, before I get carried about about Janet Jackson’s nipples or how Justin Timberlake purposely ripped that breast plate off (He could have been a gentleman and covered her but he sat there twiddling his thumbs and watched what we watched for as long as it took for the cameras to move away). Now before I get really get carried away I need to explain to you what a “gate” is and what this has to do with me. A “gate” is a scandal and when referring to a scandal you attach that suffix at the end of whatever noun refers to that scandal. The origin of this term is the infamous “Watergate Scandal” that involved the Nixon administration and took place at the Watergate complex. An example of this phrase would be the whole Janet Jackson Superbowl incident was referred to as “nipplegate” because it involved her breast getting exposed on national TV in front of millions of families including children (OMG THE CHILDREN, ANYTHING BUT THE CHILDREN, LITTLE TIMMY DOESN’T WANT TO SEE JANET JACKSON’S BREAST). Listen, before I get back on topic, little Timmy enjoyed all three seconds of that as much as I did, maybe even more so stop being so naive. Your child has seen way more than nipples at his age if he’s lucky. You can’t protect your kids from smut no matter how hard you try. Now, let’s get back on track and don’t let me get derailed again otherwise you might get run over. Continue reading

Out of The Frying Pan, Into The Fire

It’s been quite some time since I wrote a blog post (okay it hasn’t been too long but it sure feels like forever). So long story short, after years of searching I finally have a job and needless to say the last few weeks have definitely had that “out of the frying pan, into the fire” sort of feel to it. So for those who don’t know what I do for 20 hours a week, I’m an Assistive Technology assistant. What does my job consist of you ask? I get to play with a shitton of awesome toys (A little over 1000 to be exact) but all for a good cause though. For those who aren’t familiar with assistive technology, you can check out the blog posts “I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends” and “I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends #2”. For those who are too lazy to take the time to read some excellent blog posts from yours truly, assistive technology is any piece of equipment whether it be technical or bare bones that eases the life of someone with a disability or an impairment of any varying degree. For some, that may be an augmentative communication device, or others it maybe something as simple a program that increases the size of text, for another it may be a robotic arm that allows a fellow colleague of yours to feed themselves for the first time ever but we’ll get to that latter one in a future blog post on the subject. What ever it may be, it is designed with the purpose of making tasks that were once difficult or even down right impossible somewhat easier. Now I do my work with none other than Easter Seals in a center I barely new anything about until almost a year ago. Continue reading