Soundtrack 2 My Life

Music has always been a huge part of my life. From a young age I noticed music on the radio quickly and would constantly hum it. When I was 11 I started walking around with a walkman everywhere I went. When I was 14, I got my first portable CD player. When I turned 16, I got my first MP3 player and, it was at that point that the floodgates of my musical love busted wide open. I remember that MP3 player vividly, it was a Dell Digital Jukebox 15. It was a 15 GB MP3 player which by today’s standards is pretty small but, in 2004 it was a huge deal. Being able to carry a growing library of CDs around with me totally blew my mind. Unfortunately it broke a year later and it was the most depressing thing ever. I just remember being in a shitty mood for a very long time because I had no means of carrying my collection with me. The CD player was simply a small band aid on an open gash. I wouldn’t get another MP3 player again until the following year but, it paled in comparison to my beloved Dell Jukebox. I wouldn’t get another high capacity MP3 player until 2008 when I used the money I saved during a summer job to get an 80 GB iPod Classic. My music collection increased exponentially between then and the end of my senior year of college. Eventually my music collection would out grow that iPod and, I would have to buy an 160 GB iPod Classic. I’ve sadly out grown that iPod too and often have to rotate out music based on what I’m listening to. You’re probably wondering how one fills an 160 GB iPod Classic; Well, I listen to pretty much everything except for country and, I have full cataloges for all the artists I have on there. I also have a ton of video game soundtracks and, music from a lot of international artists. Those who see me on a regular basis will know I never leave my house without my headphones. I wear my headphones everywhere I go, even in places it’s not socially acceptable to like in church. Now you’re probably wondering what music has to do with tonight’s blog. Over the years, there have been a few songs that have spoken to me in a way that not many have. They’re also songs tied to very critical points in my life or, have helped me to convey pretty complex emotions. In no particular order, here are the songs/albums. Continue reading

The Color of Pain

Hello world! I’m alive and well and have not been kidnapped by Serbian mobsters if you’ve been wondering why you haven’t seen a blog from yours truly. There’s been a lot of crazy shit in the news in my absence, something about an election and some guy that everyone hates ruling the iron throne. Apparently he killed some woman name Hillary in one of the most shocking plot twists ever in a TV show. Hillary was winning every single battle and just when she has the upper hand, this guy name Trump just storms the back door and practically cuts her throat. That’s a hell of a TV show! Wait, you mean that happened in real life? Damn fam! That’s not what this blog is about though, we here at the Epic Autistic stay the fuck out of politics and will not be talking about this further. It will however continue to be a constant source of jokes, metaphors, puns, analogies and, all the wonderful literary devices that your English teacher rammed down your throat like your name was Linda Lovelace (Yes that is a porn reference, we’re all adults here). Now that I’m done with that little tirade, it’s time to talk about the other things in the news. You know, the stuff that actually has to do with this blog. Recently, Kanye West was admitted to the hospital for a slew of psychiatric problems. Love or hate Kanye, mental heath is something we ALL should be talking about. A month ago, Kid Cudi also checked himself into rehab for depression and suicidal thoughts. These guys have plenty in common, they celebrities, the famous artists, they’re rich as fuck and, they’re black. Continue reading

The Devil’s Advocate (Me Before The World)

(WARNING, THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM THE MOVIE “ME BEFORE YOU”. IF YOU’D LIKE TO WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE READING THIS POST THEN DON’T READ ANY FURTHER, IF YOU’VE WATCHED THE MOVIE YOU COULDN’T CARE LESS THEN READ ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Continue reading

Third Time’s The Charm

You mean I’ve been writing this blog for three years? Get out of here! Well happy third birthday to the awesomeness that is my blog. From blogs about heartbreak to blogs about heartbreak and well, more heartbreak. Wait a fucking minute, you’re telling me a chunk of the blogs I wrote last year actually centered around heartbreak and dating? Damn, was I really that much of a train wreck last year? Trainwreck doesn’t even describe it, I’d have to go with “Thomas The Tank Engine” snorted a bunch of coke, went into hyper drive, crashed up Godzilla’s ass and through his mouth, fell into a mine field and got blown up harder than losing a game of minesweeper. It’s been a hell of a year and well there have been some epic moments, there have been ones that I’m better without. Continue reading

Finding Independence (Success Begins With Two Words, I’ll Try…)

So two weeks ago I had the chance to watch Finding Dory and, once again Pixar has delivered another masterpiece and most importantly, something blog worthy. So without spoiling anything, Finding Dory center’s around Nemo’s friend Dory who is very scatter brained and is notorious for short term memory issues. The movie takes a look back at her childhood and how she got separated from her family in the first place. A series of events causes Dory to remember her family thus begins yet another journey that makes for an epic Pixar film. Their adventure brings them to an aquarium that specializes in rehabilitating injured aquatic animals. Now, where the film truly succeeds is how it tackles living with a disability. A lot of this movie’s important characters including Dory all have some sort of disability that has an adverse affect on how they live their lives. From a visually impaired whale shark named Destiny to a Dolphin named Bailey who is unable to use his echo location abilities, a cognitively impaired loon named Becky and of course Dory, this film stresses not only how people live and function in this world with disabilities but, it also explores the topic of ableism which can be a huge problem for those of us with disabilities. Continue reading

Rainbow in the Dark

So I grew up playing this really awesome game called Kingdom Hearts. You get sucked away from your home on a lonely island and end up traversing a bunch of Disney worlds in the process. Now you’d think a game about a boy who fights monsters with a giant key would be stupid but, the concept was so successful that it spawned a sequel and so many spinoffs that the story line trips over itself. Now the premise of this game is that your friends have gone missing and you must find them with the help of Donald and Goofy all while reliving your childhood and learning about the consequences of giving into the darkness within our hearts and letting it consume us. You also learn that with in the deepest darkness, there is always a faint light shinning within that when taped by the right person can illuminate the darkest depths. Wait, you mean this blog isn’t supposed t be about Kingdom Hearts? But it’s such a great game even though the plot has now become more of a mess than Hillary Clinton’s messaging. I guess you guys want me to jump the point like playing hopscotch barefoot with thumb tacks on the ground don’t you? If you insist but y’all should play this damn game. Continue reading

Two Can Be As Bad As One (It’s The Loneliest Number Since The Number One)

It’s funny how a simple yet very deep and complex lyric from a classic Three Dog Night song can spark inspiration at 2 in the morning. As a matter of fact, it’s funny how ANYTHING can spark inspiration at 2 in the morning. The whole accord is sheer fucking irony if you ask me but, I’m up at 2 am after going to bed at a decent time so let’s get this show on the road shall we? Every now and then I’ll have these random bouts of insomnia that often come out of nowhere but are usually the result of being very anxious and restless. So what’s eating at me this time you ask? It’s the same thing that’s been eating me for almost an entire year and I honestly, I can’t believe I’m about to write another blog about it too. I probably sound like a broken record with all of these blogs about dating and what not but recently it’s all just reached a peak, it also doesn’t help that next week will mark one year of my heart getting ripped in many pieces. Me panicking at 2 am seems very well within the realm of possible scenarios that can happen to me along with some chick on an online dating site trying to hustle me out of $200, someone trying to rope me into a pyramid scheme or, some pseudo Christian cult that’s really a pyramid scheme with a dash of religion trying to recruit me but, those are all stories for another day. Continue reading

I Like Warm Hugs!

Hello weird world, it’s been some time but I’m back and I’m ready to drop some more of that uber awesome knowledge of mine. So this weekend I decided to do something a little, interesting. I decided to attend this event called “Hugging Therapy” and to those whose minds have already leap frogged into the gutter, not that kind of hugging. This event was designed to create a strictly platonic environment where those who were hurting or wished to form some sort of connection could do that in a safe space. Now you’re probably wondering what could be bothering me so much that I would desire hugs from total strangers (I l knew three of the people from outside of this session), we’ll get to that. Needless to say, I learnt way more about myself that day than I have in an entire year and maybe my entire life. Continue reading

Leap of Faith

You know, some days I feel as though one of life’s biggest punchlines is an overly logical Autistic like me being brought up in the Roman Catholic faith. Now before I proceed I should note that I have nothing against the faith and honestly wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but, I have a lot of questions, too many questions, questions that leave me awake at night unable to sleep, questions that drive me to the point of mental exhaustion, questions that leave my head spinning faster than the wheels on Paul Walker’s car during a drag race (too soon?). Those who have read my blogs know that my life has been a rather eventful one, one full of enough heartbreak that it could be an entire season of Game of Thrones and it still wouldn’t scratch the surface. You’re probably wondering what me being Autistic has to do with me being Catholic. I guess this is the part where I say “buckle your seat belts guys, it’s time to take another Ms. Frizzle sanctioned trip on the Magic School Bus into the shit storm that is my head. Continue reading

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby (READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!!!!!!)

Alright, I’m going to stray from the norm this time around and touch on what many consider to be taboo. Remember that birds and bees story your parents told you when you were young and naive? Remember those naughty tapes you used to sneak from your uncle’s house and watch in secret when your parents were asleep? Remember when you had that one relative with a cable descrambler and flipping back and fourth between channels B21-24 and remembering the hot keys for Disney Channel and Cartoon Network was your life? Well sit down children, because we’re about to learn about the most important subject ever from someone that society thinks has no business elaborating on it. We’re gonna talk about sex. Now I know what you’re thinking, how can an Autistic person know anything about sex let alone elaborate on it? If this is your rational then congratulations, you’re part of the problem and I hope you feel good about yourself. Now I should note that I’m still a virgin (“VIRGIN?! YOU MEAN WE’RE TAKING SEX ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHOSE NEVER SEEN A VAGINA OUTSIDE OF PORN?!” Yes guys, you are about to read sex advice from someone whose never gotten laid, just hear me out). Continue reading