Who Could Love a Beast or In This Case an Autistic

Now before you read this essay I’m about to put on here I ask that you don’t judge me for the harsh nature of this essay. I admit I was being extremely hard on myself and others when I wrote this two years ago but you should know that the pain of being alone is very real. This essay came about two years ago as the product of one of my sleepless nights. I was in college and had had it with failing to woo a woman so one night when the thoughts of dying alone started running through my head I decided to write about my struggles in hopes that one day people could know my pain. You should also know that a lot happened between now and when I wrote this essay so those who know me well will know that some of what is in there isn’t very applicable now but It will be none the less a wacky trip through my head. I present to you my shattered heart on a silver platter.

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Does Autism Speaks Really Speak for me?

I’m going to talk about a subject that many Autism Speaks supporters may hate me for by the time this is done. Now you’re probably wondering why a person like me would have such strong feelings against well known organization that is very active with getting awareness about Autism out there. Tell me something people, of all the time you’ve followed the organization for those who do how often do you actually see something on their page posted by someone on the higher functioning end of the spectrum? If your answer is “almost never” or it consists of someone named “Kerry Margo” then you’re right on the money. Before I continue allow me to explain who Kerry Margo is.

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From East to West Explorers Camp’s the Best

Hello world, The Epic Autistic is back from another epic week with Easter Seals’ Explorers Camp. Once again it was a phenomenal week that helped me grow as a person and a leader. This year was particularly interesting in the sense that I got a very imaginative camper who at times was a mirror image of me in my youth. Unfortunately it was through him that I was once again reminded of the harsh realities of being different.

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It’s That Wonderful Time of the Year

Hi world, if you’ve gotten this Facebook, WordPress or Twitter notification then you know what time it is. Another epic blog post from your neighborhood Epic Autistic. I have left Boston to get myself ready for one of my favorite activities of the year, EXPLORERS CAMP!!!!!!! Now for those who didn’t read my previous blog posts or need a refresher, Explorers Camp is a one week overnight camp for youth on the Autism Spectrum. Of all the things I do during the summer it is one of the activities that makes my summer complete and probably the most challenging yet rewarding week ill do all year. Nothing can top the joy that as catering to children on the Autism Spectrum, not even the best movie or video game ever. I’m still at a cross roads of whether I should make a permanent career of this or continue with trying to be a full time video game music composer but I’ll hopefully figure that out within a decent time frame.

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You Borrow My Brain For Five Seconds and Just Be Like “Dude Unplug this Bastard, Can’t Handle It!!!!!”

Ever look at someone on the Autism Spectrum and as yourself what goes on inside of their head? What they’re thinking about and most importantly if they acknowledge you? Tonight I shall take you on a trip inside of my head and then you’ll understand the title of this post and most importantly, why you can’t handle my brain.

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Challenges of Friending Within the Spectrum

Anyone with an intellectual disability knows the struggle of trying to blend in to society. Lets face it, as much as you want to be yourself you know that some of your habits and rituals and even obsessions don’t belong in public for the sake of keeping friends and acquaintances. Now while there are high functioning people that are fully aware of what’s socially acceptable and what’s not, there are those who don’t not do they even try to correct their quirks. Whether no one pointed out their quirks or if they just flat out don’t give a shit is beyond me. The reason I bring this up is because though connecting with neurotypicals (a big ass word meaning those not on the spectrum) can be a challenge, connecting with those on the spectrum can be even trickier. I bet ya everyone is completely flabbergasted and wondering why such a thing can be do difficult. Allow me to go back to the snowflake analogy for the umpteenth time, people on the spectrum are like snow flakes, everyone on the spectrum is different. Now we’re not even just talking about differences in function, we’re talking differences in rituals, interests, and personalities. Those who have worked with people on the spectrum know very well how radically different the personalities can be due to the complex wiring which 90% of the time can look like the back of our entertainment centers. It looks like a jungle to others and only you know how it works and where everything works and that’s all that matters. This difference in personality can make it very tricky for me to be friends with those on the spectrum cause when we have a clash of opinions it happens in the worse way possible, you’d think a blood bath was about to ensue with the way we were arguing. Now there’s another obstacle that makes connections difficult for me but in order for you guys to understand I’ll have to go back to the early years of my life in order to explain an issue that every person with a high functioning form of a learning disability has had to deal with.

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Those Awkward Times When Game Consoles Understood Me Better Than People Ever Would….

The title of this blog post sounds exactly how you might be comprehending it. You’re probably wondering how someone could have such a profound attachment to an object. It isn’t necessarily the object that we attach ourselves to but rather the memories and good times associated with the said objects. For some it’s a teddy bear, for others maybe a blanket. What ever the objects you cling to it for the nostalgia and remember the happy times. Now you’re probably wondering what all this nostalgia crap possibly has to do with the seemingly long and somewhat confusing blog title. The answer to your question lies in my childhood, dark and confusing times that felt at times like they’d never end.

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What is Normal?

Two nights ago I ended my most recent blog entry with a paragraph asking a simple question that yields a great deal of complexity when you really peel away at the layers. Today I want to dive a bit deeper into the concept of “normal”. What is normal? What do we consider to be normal? Normal as defined by the dictionary is “conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural”. It also means serving to establish a standard. If normal is what ever society decides it should be then by society’s norms I’m the furthest thing from normal but then so are a lot of people.

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You’re Autistic? But You’re So Smart!!!

You’d be rather surprised as to the type of responses I get when I tell people I have Autism. They will range anywhere from “but you’re so smart” or “but you seem so normal” to stuff like “prove it”. People over the years have grown to know Autism by two common traits, people who drool, flap their arms or spaz when there are loud noises. The second common trait people look for is what we call the savant which is basically the super intelligent person much like the one in Rain Man who could count cards, do complicated math in his head and register the sound of 200 toothpicks falling to the ground.

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It is Purpose that Created Us, Purpose that Drives Us

We’re all put here by what ever force you want to believe in to do something. If anyone told you that you’re one in billions, that your life against the life of others doesn’t hold some sort of merit then someone lied. For some of us we know from day one what our purpose in this world is but for the rest of us, it can take some serious soul searching and years before we realize what we’re meant to do and some unfortunately leave this moral coil before even realizing what their purpose is.

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