Mister Spock, Autism, and How My Logic Ruined the Magic of Christmas

Now before I go on with this blog post I need to put up a rather big disclaimer. I do not think Spock is on the spectrum and nor will this blog post be used to try to prove that. Also, please forgive me for any inaccuracies in my part of trying to describe Spock and the Star Trek universe, I rarely watched the series and these observations are based more on the recent movies. I do however believe there are some uncanny similarities between his logic driven through process and the thought process of someone on the spectrum. Now die hard Star Trek fans who understand some of the challenges of a person with Autism will instantly know what comparisons I’m going to make but to those who don’t understand, allow me to elaborate. In Star Trek, the character of Spock is half human and half Vulcan. Spock however develops based on his Vulcan heritage. His race suppresses all emotion in favor of logic. Logic drives their thoughts and their actions and how they approach situations. Spock is no different in this regard and his logic based approach to various challenges drive certain plot lines in the series as well as his interactions and relationships with the rest of the cast. Continue reading

Those Days Where Your Best Doesn’t Feel Like it’s Good Enough

So one day I’m at an arcade playing DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) and as usual, a crowd forms around me because it isn’t everyday that they see people who could move so fast with such precision. When the song is said and done with, everyone applauds and is totally floored by my performance. Everyone is in awe and people think it’s the greatest thing they’ve seen. Everyone watching believes it was incredibly stellar, everyone except me. You see, every seems to be in awe that I managed to hit about 490/500+ steps in one song. I on the other hand am in awe that I missed those ten arrows and should have been able to hit them. While everyone is in awe about what they just saw, I’m sitting there analyzing EVERYTHING I did wrong. There is no longer “I did the best I could”, there is only “that totally sucked, I can do so much better, that was pathetic”. In those moments I realized that I ‘m perfectionist and that I seem t never take what I can get. Continue reading

Holding Onto Anger is like Drinking Poison and Expecting the Other Person to Die

A wise person once said that “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. What would happen if despite some of your best efforts there are times where  you can’t help but continue to take sips of that poison because long after the fact you’ve been hurt, the memory can sometimes drive you mad, it stares you in your face like a nasty scar. The wound maybe closed but the memories will always remain. You continue to sip that poison because some days the memory hurts so badly that you feel as if the crime justifies the hate. Continue reading

Forever Loved ~For Those Who Need It the Most~

In honor of National Suicide Prevention Day I will be writing a blog post that needs to be written. Now in my earlier posts I have touched upon my issues with depression and my battles with suicidal thoughts. Tonight’s blog post however won’t be all about me, It’ll be all about you and those who need it the most. Now in those moments when I contemplated ending my life it was usually after feeling a sense of hopelessness but there was another component to this twisted puzzle that I never truly delved into until I really started examining myself.

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A Letter to My Younger Self #1

Hello world, welcome to another exciting entry from the epicness that is my blog. Today I will attempt something that another fellow blogger recommended to me over lunch. By the way before I continue you can find her blog in the link below.

Perfectly Imperfecta

Now I had a tricky time trying to figure out which me I would write myself a letter to. I’ve been through many tricky situations in my life and there were several phases of my life where a letter from my future self was needed but there was one particular moment in my life where I think I needed it the most. As a referenced in an earlier blog post, the summer of 2010 was probably one of the darkest times of my life and the first time in my life I ever contemplated suicide. I shall start this series off by writing to my 22 year old self.

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It is Purpose that Created Us, Purpose that Drives Us

We’re all put here by what ever force you want to believe in to do something. If anyone told you that you’re one in billions, that your life against the life of others doesn’t hold some sort of merit then someone lied. For some of us we know from day one what our purpose in this world is but for the rest of us, it can take some serious soul searching and years before we realize what we’re meant to do and some unfortunately leave this moral coil before even realizing what their purpose is.

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