Guess what time it is, guess what time it is! It’s time for another exciting installment of the blog from yours truly and the best place to experience life’s adventures through the eyes of a guy so sees the world in the most literal way possible. I’m about as literal as syllables dancing in your cereal. So this blog is about exactly what it implies, my adventures in the online dating sphere. After spending the summer being such an emotional wreck and admittedly even crying myself to sleep some nights (yeah I’m kind of pathetic), it was time go get off my sorry ass, grab life by the horns and start shopping the market once again for Mrs. Right, easier said than done right? Definitely easier said than done. Those who have read my blogs know that I suck at talking to most women and emotionally it’s difficult for me to emotionally connect with them let alone anyone unless I truly like them or feel safe. I promise I’m not picky, it just don’t always have an easy time with people. Trying to find people in person got pretty frustrating so I decided to delve back into something I told myself I’d never try again, online dating. Continue reading
For however long it takes you to read this blog I’m going to be more honest with you than I have in a while. No we’re not taking into question what I’ve written in my blogs, it’s the Flemmings Beaubrun that I’ve presented to you in the last three months. I’ve shown you all a Flemmings that seemed to have it all together, a Flemmings that was happy and seemed like nothing phased him at all. The problem is that for the last three months I’ve been wearing a mask but as time has passed that mask has been getting harder and harder to wear. Lying to people about my emotions has gotten pretty tiring actually. I’ve gotten so fatigued about lying the last three months that I wonder how Commissioner Goodell of the NFL has been able to play that game for seven. I’ve had it with lying so I’m going to explain to you the whirlwind emotions I’ve had to juggle for an entire summer. Shit, even clowns would be jealous with all the complicated shit I’ve had to juggle. Now in my last blog post I briefly mentioned the unfortunate end of what I though would be a very promising relationship. Was hasn’t been brief however is the emotional and psychological toll this break up has had on me for the last three months. Now while I’ve developed enough coping methods and grown enough to avoid flirting with the suicidal thoughts I had to battle through the last time I was this depressed, it still has been one of the toughest summers in recent memory. Continue reading
Damn! You mean this blog is really a year old? Wow, It’s still hard to believe I’ve been writing this blog for an entire year. 50 something posts later and I’m still getting started. Before we take a look back through a great year I just want to take this time to thank all of my loyal readers, you guys are the reason why I delicate the energy I do to this blog. It is an honor to have the opportunity to use my experiences to enlighten everyone. Well without further adieu, lets go through my top favorite blog posts from the year in chronological order. This list will serve as a refresher for those who have been reading my blog since the beginning and as a sampler for any newcomers. Continue reading
I have a confession to make which will tie into this blog post. It would appear this weekend I have gotten into a show that well, wasn’t really meant to be watched and enjoyed by adult men in this first place but somehow it has ushered quite the following from the 18-35 male demographic. Now if you are a “Brony” or know what one is or you’re familiar with the fandom then you’ve recognized the blog title and already know exactly what show I am now officially hooked on. For those who don’t know what a “Brony” is then allow me to explain. “Bronies” are males from ages 18-35 (sometimes older and sometimes younger) who are avid fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. That’s right, I have gotten hooked to My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and before you start looking at me funny or calling me gay or think that I’m some weird sick and twisted individual for watching a show that is aimed at little girls I need to explain to you why the fuss and why the show is so critically acclaimed way outside of its demographic and why I have fallen in love with the show. Continue reading
90% of the time I like to believe that I’m just like everyone else, that I can blend into society and no one would ever notice that there was something off with me. I try as hard as I humanly possibly can to convince myself that I am no different than your average person. This mentality works often works those “moments” happen where I’m reminded that I have Autism and that there’s not much I can do about it. These “moments” usually refer to the way I respond to certain situations that we’re all presented with. The most common situation is change but it doesn’t have to be all types of change, it has to be change that can trigger anxiety or change that isn’t for the better, change that complicates or change that affects my ability to enjoy something how I used to. It can also be change where the results will be unknown for quite some time.
WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE!!!! READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!!!!
Welcome to Angry Autistic Rants, a sub series of posts where I choose something that bothers/irritates me and blogs about it with nothing but raw emotion. For this post we shall dive into a holiday that I find utterly pointless and should die in a fire.
As you reach the end of January, you instantly start to notice that there’s something ominous in the air. You can’t quite put your finger on it but you know that there’s something off. There’s an influx of jewelry commercials, there are way too many love songs on the radio but it all comes full circle when you walk into a store and are reminded what day is around the corner. Suddenly your mind is filled with flashbacks as pain as the feelings of loneliness come rushing back. Your heart starts to hurt as you are now reminded that Valentines Day is approaching. There aren’t enough words in the world or pages in a book or even space on the wordpress database to describe how much I despise Valentines Day. I could write a Harry Potter sized novel about how much I hate the day and it still wouldn’t scratch the surface. Every year when I walk into a CVS, Walmart, or any other store with a “Valentines Day” section it tends to trigger a ton of memories, memories of my attempts at love gone terribly wrong. If I could start fires and contain them to one section and keep people safe in the process I would torch the Valentines section of every single store I walked into. Scary shit huh? I promise I’m not some pyromaniac and that thought of torching that section is more of a twisted fantasy created from my sometimes fucked imagination than it is an urge or impulse. Those reading are now wondering what could have possibly happened on the only day in the calender year that we treat our significant others like kings and queens to warrant such rage and sadistic thoughts. A lot went wrong in my life for me to get to this point. Now in earlier blog posts I have covered some of my romance woes but I never exactly started at the beginning but before I do, I have to share a few of my older My Space blog posts in order to get that pain across. Back in high school I blogged of my life but in those days I blogged with nothing but raw unfiltered emotion. The next three blogs are from an angry, lonely, depressed, and even sexually frustrated 17-20 year old me on the matter of this most unfortunate holiday.
Okay show of hands, who has watched “The Terminator Trilogy”, ‘The Matrix Trilogy”, I-Robot”, “The 13th Floor”, and “Tron”? If you have then you may have an idea of where this post is going but of course with me, you never know where ANY post is going until it gets there. Anyways, for those who haven’t seen these movies then you don’t necessarily need to know the plots, you need only to know the central theme that drives these plots. It is them concept of artificial intelligence and how a machine taught solely to follow instructions and routines can become self aware and eventually make their own decisions, their decisions usually cataclysmic. Each movie focuses on the protagonist(s) attempting to stop a rogue artificial intelligence from enslaving the entire human race. These movies shed light on a concept computer programmers had been toying with long before Hollywood existed. Now you’re probably wondering once again what this madness has to do with Autism, allow me to elaborate in a way that will blow your mind harder than snorting 15 lines of cocaine (Disclaimer: I don’t do drugs, they’re simply twisted analogies). Before we can get into the meat of this blog post, I have to tell a little tale that will tie into this blog post. Continue reading
Walking around or hanging round in my usual spots I spend most of my time in my head either processing my thoughts or intently focused on what ever I’m doing at that current moment. Not many things can take me out of my head in those moments except for interactions with others and one other thing. Whether it be church, my usual tuesday night bar, working at camp or any place where I have a lot of interactions with people. I’m minding my own business and then all of a sudden it happens, you find that really good looking girl that not only catches your attention but her personality is more than worth giving her a chance and suddenly you mutter the same lines you normally would when this type of thing happens, “Well shit, here we go again”.
Now before you read this essay I’m about to put on here I ask that you don’t judge me for the harsh nature of this essay. I admit I was being extremely hard on myself and others when I wrote this two years ago but you should know that the pain of being alone is very real. This essay came about two years ago as the product of one of my sleepless nights. I was in college and had had it with failing to woo a woman so one night when the thoughts of dying alone started running through my head I decided to write about my struggles in hopes that one day people could know my pain. You should also know that a lot happened between now and when I wrote this essay so those who know me well will know that some of what is in there isn’t very applicable now but It will be none the less a wacky trip through my head. I present to you my shattered heart on a silver platter.
We’re all put here by what ever force you want to believe in to do something. If anyone told you that you’re one in billions, that your life against the life of others doesn’t hold some sort of merit then someone lied. For some of us we know from day one what our purpose in this world is but for the rest of us, it can take some serious soul searching and years before we realize what we’re meant to do and some unfortunately leave this moral coil before even realizing what their purpose is.